Will the real Solo please stand up?

By T Mochama

Solo-STV

P: What is the wildest shizzle you ever done?

Solo: When in Uganda, I saw a cop passing, as I peed in a bush and then I jumped out and scared the hell out him. Waaaahh! He was so mad he turned navy blue, then threatened to shoot me when he saw my pals laughing at him. So I took off back into the rave!

P: Who between you and the other Solo can party longer?

S: Me…

P: And what’s the longest have you ever been at the rave?

S: What? The rave is over! I’m still partying!

P: Who can drink more? What drink and crazy things you have ever done when drunk?

S: I am still drinking… Liquor. My pal and I drove to a morgue, and I pretended to be dead. The guys at the mortuary freaked out when I ‘amkad’ and asked me boy: ‘Manze, si uende cop station ulete abstract ya mwili yangu?’ (Ok, let’s all agree here that Solo is a lil’ psycho, ok?).

P: Describe Eve D’Souza and where would you take her for honeymoon?

S: Sizzling hot! I’d take her to Taj Mahal so that she can reconnect with her ancestors.

P: If you are fighting what would you do to the other Solo?

S: I find that head butts always work! So I would head butt him mpaka he gets stretch marks on his kichwa!

P: Which is better between TV and Radio or Hits Not Homework and rock TV show?

S: TV anytime… Hits Not Homework is for interns but rock is for bold and mature adults!

P: Who do you think would win a car race?

S: I would beat him even if I was racing him in a mkototeni, uphill, on a busy highway and carrying a sack of potatoes.

P: Have you ever crashed? When, how and why?

S: Yeah! Last year because of amateur drivers in front of me!

P: If a hot chick asked you to drop her a line and make her laugh what would you say?

S: Hi, my name’s Right... Mr Right.

Oh no, I’m choking! I need mouth-to-mouth, quick! Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you’d be guilty as charged! Twende Migingo?

P: Who do you think is better with women between the two of you, and why?

S: No contest … I’m just good with women!

P: Why do you think you deserve the title of the Real Solo?

S: Really? Ain’t it obvious? He needs to do his HOMEWORK and not get distracted by HITS, then learn how to party and be cool before he can claim to be the Real Solo!

Solo-Capital

In the ‘Yellow Belly’ corner, seconds away, round one…

P

ulse: What is the wildest shizzle yu ever done?

Hello, Solo? Solo? Solo?

Verdict:

The last we saw of Solo, after begging for this bout, he was running up the aisle of the Pulse Plaza without even throwing a single punch. Obviously, he chickened out (tha yerrow berry)! E-mails were ignored, SMSes deleted and phone calls not returned. So, by unanimous verdict, by reason of a NO SHOW, the winner of the title ‘Real Solo’ for two thao n nine, ladies n gentlemen, put ya hands together for RRRRRRReal Soooooo-Loooooooo of EEEEEEsss T Veeeeeeeeeeee!!!