Last Sunday night, Citizen TV announced: we interrupt our regular bulletin to bring you a live feed from Nyeri, where Deep Veep Riggy G is addressing the nation…
And the lights zoomed in and out to show an outdoor fire where Riggy G, in a flowery shirt that suggested his fashion sense is flourishing, declared his home sits on the foot of Mount Kenya, which instantly took him to the recent, bruising General Election.
This is a paraphrase: Some people said they were climbing the mountain; how do you climb the mountain without passing here? Poor Riggy G, we’re past the elections!
Riggy G sounded as though he’s the mountain, before he grew more irritated to lament about a biased media that perpetuate a consistent, though misleading perception that he’s a) uncouth b) loose tongue c) corrupt d) unqualified for the job.
Then Riggy G revisited a few instances when he’s been forced eat his own words, dwelling for a moment on the “shamba” system debacle that backfired spectacularly. Then he ventured into a new territory: he told the nation that things are so thick, there aren’t enough reserves in foreign currency to import oil.
Before the words dried on his lips, the Central Bank of Kenya said Riggy G didn’t know the first thing about oil importation. And the first thing is that it did not involve CBK. And the country had enough reserves for necessary imports, in instances where the State is involved.
Fired by the heat from the open fire, Riggy G fired on, claiming the national carrier, KQ, was beholden to forces within the state. This “state capture,” he went on, had clipped its profitability, despite being the most expensive airline on the continent.
Riggy G is right about KQ’s “state capture;” the government is KQ’s major shareholder. I guess if you ask Riggy G his real name, he might blurt: “State capture!”