Affair-proofing your marriage

By Esther Muchene

Whether in a relationship or a marriage, people always have certain questions that linger in the mind: Will he/she cheat on me? Should we have friends of the opposite sex?

Have you ever thought of affair-proofing your relationship? Well, in case you hadn’t thought of it, now you can consider it. So what do you do to make sure you’re not susceptible to a heartbreak brought about by cheating?

•Maintain boundaries when it comes to relationship with members of the opposite sex. Avoid situations such as lunches, a lift home, a neighbour or friend of the opposite sex coming to help when your are at home alone. If you have to do so, inform your spouse about it and more importantly, have him/her at home or at least let your children be at home. If you have nothing to hide, this should not be an issue. The point is to do everything in the open.

•Avoid discussing personal problems, especially concerning your or their marriage/relationship with members of the opposite sex.

•Have a common circle of friends, especially if you’re married. There is no reason you should not hang out together and if any of your friends or his friends feel uneasy with the other being around, then it is not a relationship worth hanging onto. It only raises questions why they don’t want you there. Anything that excludes one spouse is a potential set up.

•Quit being naÔve! Have the other person’s motives in check. Just because your intentions are, pure doesn’t mean the other persons are. Especially in this day and age, it is hard to trust anyone so, have your third eye on the lookout.

mistrust

•Sometimes it gets to a point where you can’t notice if members of the opposite sex are attracted to you, but your partner does. Therefore listen to what the other has to say and respect each other’s wishes regardless of whether or not you feel your spouse is overreacting, being too possessive or jealous. Contact with members of the opposite sex, especially one whom you may have warned your spouse about or you have been warned about should not be worth pursuing as it will lead to unnecessary repercussions such as mistrust.

•If you’re single, beware of how you interact with members of the opposite sex and how far you allow it to go. This is because if you allowed it, then chances are it will go on even after geting married. Erecting boundaries in marriage may not be respected as a result.

•Communicate and have time for each other. If you feel you may fall, talk to your partner and work it out. If any of you has cheated before, talk about it and should it get too complicated, consider working with a counsellor, trusted married couple or a pastor. After this, learn to forgive and let go of the past and begin working on trust.

In life, we have to make choices and compromises especially when your every decision will not only affect you, but your spouse. Be sensitive, considerate and put yourselves in the other’s shoes to help you decipher what is right and what is wrong. According to Genesis 2:24, we are instructed to cling on to our mates; meaning you should stick closely together without any of you finding any sort of gratification from outside. My opinion on this matter is, I believe that for any marriage or relationship to work and be affair free, God must be a major part of your lives. As scripture puts it, God is love. So how can you claim to love when God is not in your life?