Here is how to make your New Year resolutions work

Every beginning of the year, people the world over commit to some form of New Year resolutions. By definition, to be resolute is to be fixed in determination or purpose. Resolutions are therefore not flimsy wishful thinking, but firm commitments with a purpose. The reason many resolutions suffer infant mortality is most likely because they are neither born in serious consideration nor founded on unwavering determination to succeed.

One category of people who readily make New Year resolutions are those conscious of living in bondage — usually of bad or sinful habits, attitudes, or addictions. This may include habitual liars, chronic latecomers, drug addicts, smokers, or alcoholics. Others may be sexual perverts, the corrupt, or tribalists. Such people often have a deep desire to break their bad habits or attitudes, and as a New Year comes, they promise themselves, their friends, and loved ones that they are departing from their former ways. Unfortunately, many end up frustrated, and at times devastated due to resolutions that never materialised.

How do habits form and how can we break their chains? The parable of the Prodigal Son might illustrate. This is the story of a young man whose love for pleasure and abhorrence for work could not allow him to continue living under his father’s roof. So he went to his father with the demand, “give me my share of the estate, now!” He then set off for a distant country with the hope of living happily ever after. But as almost always happens, he was soon brought to his knees by the cruel hand of the real world. Not even pig food was available for him.

Almost all habits follow a similar pattern. It starts off with some prospects of pleasure or freedom, and for a moment it is quite some fun. The initiate coughs and chokes with the first puff of smoke, and is egged on by friends touting it as the path to true manhood. With tearful pleasure they endure it, but graduate into a dreadful addiction.

The first lie gets you off a tricky situation, but its success becomes an entangling web of lies difficult to break. What starts as mere humorous stereotyping soon becomes a deep-seated hatred for other tribes. The first kitu kidogo given or taken out of necessity soon leads to a lucrative international exchange of chicken for contract awards. Likewise, the first stint of illicit sex or porn is a mix of guilt and pleasure, usually never intended to be repeated; but its lure soon grows into an addictive lust.

The fact is chains of habit are often too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken. Deliverance requires a firm resolve. When the prodigal came to himself, he resolved, “I will arise and go to my father, and will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you, and I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants.” If this was a New Year resolution, it was a right one — sober, sincere, and selfless.

Sober — because the prodigal came to his senses. He recognised that he was living below par and resolved to step out of the pigsty. The truth is that no change can be experienced unless one soberly accepts that they are with the pigs. As long as there is self-justification or blame for others, you can be sure every New Year will find you more corrupt, tribalist, lying, smoking, swearing, fornicating, or a latecomer!

 

Sincere — because he acknowledged his debase status. The prodigal rightly appraised himself and concluded he had played the fool and thus deserved no favour whatsoever from anyone, least of all, from his father. To successfully break a habit, you must realise that you are doing nobody any favour except yourself. Expect no applause for your efforts! The most sincere disposition you can take is, “I am no longer worthy to be called a son, a father, a husband, a wife, or an employee.”

Selfless — because he chose to arise and go back home. He chose rather to suffer the discipline of his father than the mob-justice of a cruel world! Indeed, to accept that we were wrong and start afresh is to stand the risk of being rejected, mocked or jeered.

But it must be done humbly and resolutely. As Victor Hugo put it: People do not lack strength, they lack will. And Mahatma Gandhi added: Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will. It is a fact that only resolutions that are sober, sincere, and selfless will succeed. But many times it requires the help of a loving Heavenly Father.