Life and times of Cholmondeley in prison

By CCI Writer

The murder hit the news in the all too familiar way. Lots of heat but no light, a bit of tips from police to the voracious news corps some of whose reportage, while closely hugging the borderline of premeditated lynching, smacked of racial bigotry. Samson ole Sisina was dead. Scene of crime: Soysambu ranch. Prime suspect: A son of the owner of the vast ranch.

That is how Tom Cholmondeley first made acquaintance with life behind bars. As soon as he was arraigned in court and quarantined in Hell’s Den (Naivasha Prison), the story was dead.

Tom Cholmondeley follows the proceedings in court.

But not any more as we give you an exclusive peek into the life and times of Tom behind bars.

The only respite one gets at Naivasha is to go to the top floor cells and espy the picturesque Lake Naivasha with it’s surrounding flower farms on the one hand, and the expansive Manera Farm owned by our new client. Imagine one watching his grazing friesian cows from the stressful life behind bars? But Tom took it in his stride.

There was a wave of excitement and a buzz of activity when word went round that Tom would be coming in. Whereas the ordinary inmate was excited about the prospect of hobnobbing with the glitterati, the warders looked at it as an opportunity to rake in the fast buck for after all, Bro Paul Kamlesh had liberally opened his purse strings during his stint at Kamiti Prison.

Not so with the rugged, out-door loving agriculture expert who prides himself as a thoroughbred Kenyan. I remember one time when a soon-to-be released inmate approached Tom with a request for links with chaps in the UK. "I am as Kenyan as you are. I only went to the UK for my university studies so l don’t know much about the UK," was his curt reply. He has no pretensions, even though he can be self-effacing to a fault.

Chatty and witty

The unique prison setting has enabled Tom to bond and blend so well unlike the Java brother who is still in denial.

A linguist with a mastery of many local dialects, the pro-active Tom is chatty, witty and ever ready to lend an ear to anybody who approaches him though he gets easily piqued by small talk.

During his stint at Hell’s den, the brother occasionally asked his poppa to swing inmates there bread and milk from his nearby dairies, a gesture that accorded him a hero’s status. Truth be told, Tom is very popular amongst inmates in all the prisons that he has been hosted in.

He organised and sponsored the first and so far the only inter-prison sports event, which was widely covered in the media. On the last day of the fiesta, the brother slaughtered a prized bull for all the participants who in turn seaboard the news to their respective jails. Tom had successfully completed his initiation rites and was now a full member of the prison family with full powers as appertains to his status.

Bucket toilet

So when the Robert Njoya murder debacle hit our TV screens, we knew that Tom would be back.

This time round, Tom was held at the ‘BLOCK E’ wing of the Industrial Area remand home in Nairobi, where to his consternation, there was a high number of loonies to keep him company. He did not stay there for long for he was soon transferred to what is now referred to as the ‘Executive Wing’ of Kamiti, occupying the room vacated by Kamlesh.

Cholmondeley falls as he leaves the court after being convicted of killing Robert Njoya. [PHOTOS: EVANS HABIL]

Unlike other nabobs who get shell-shocked upon entering jail, Tom seems to have been set for any eventuality. Even though he has never stayed in the common cells with other hardcores, his humble cell has a kanugu (monkey) —as the bucket toilet is called in prison— and he spends his free time working on business files which are collected by his loyal staffers once a week. An avid newspaper reader, he always gets a copy of his favourite ‘The Standard’ through the welfare office every morning.

Unlike Kamlesh who had the luxury of ordering exquisite outside catering from his then five star Grand Regency, Tom has not pulled any airs and has devoured mandondo (beans) and sembe (ugali) with relish, putting the kanugu to good use on many a night. The chap’s weight has actually gone north on the weighing scales and whereas his social status made smarters regard him with awe and approach him with trepidation, to inmates, his gigantic 6’8" frame meant that one would think twice before attempting any tricks. Luckily, it never came to that.

As a gesture of camaraderieship, he has helped the aloof John wa Java get residence in the executive wing.

Service to the prison

After Tom was jailed for eight months, he immediately joined the secondary school wing as a business education teacher and within a short time, he had automated its operations by setting up a computer lab with state-of-the art notebooks sourced from family and friends, a project he intends to expand to cover all the inmates even after he’s chucked out.

The street smart, khaki clad, tough-as-nails brother is the first VIP to clear his stint without seeking admission to some cosy private wing of a top hospital for ‘unexpected ailments’ which in real sense is euphemism for quality moments with wifey and girlfies.

As to whether he ever stuffed money up the ‘safe’ when the smarters brought the terror searches, let me not pre-empt what may be in his memoirs. Tom has offered a sizeable portion on long-term lease of his farm to a soon to be launched initiative for setting up of a tree nursery for re-afforesting the country. The programme aims at getting the youth off crime and helping them channel their talents and time to activities that would divert them from criminality.

The Tom you meet at close quarters is an informed and interesting chap who can give vibes to keep you on edge, an authority on the camping/hiking sites in the country. And... iko kitu but... hey, l don’t want his beautiful wifey Susan to welcome him home with a slap.

I can authoritatively state that in his sojourn, Tom never changed his sexual orientation and preferences, so Sue...unleash and spoil hubby boy when he lands. Nine months later, name the result ‘Tom "Gerezani" Cholmondeley jnr’ as a reminder of Tom’s travails.

Lakini...enyewe...Tom and Sue, ati...that Ka-day pale pale in that ka corner office at K44...wazeiya...kwani kuliendaje? Oooops!!! That is what a hot-blooded African male must do for such moments don’t come twice in prison.

This time round we hope Tom doesn’t get third time unlucky.

He’d rather cut off that cocky finger that seemingly does not see a trigger that should be left unpressed.