How to tell if your loved one is depressed

Every year, Kenya has about 7000 suicides linked to depression. And the number is on the rise.  Dr Charity Waithima, a clinical psychologist explains what you need to look out for.

1. Change in mood

Depression is a mood disorder, so the first sign you notice is that someone is becoming sad and apathetic most of the time. Most of the day the person appears unhappy. Sometimes they will tear up without reason. They also withdraw from other people to spend time alone.

2. Inappropriate guilt

Every human being makes mistakes, but depressed people have inappropriate guilt in that they will keep thinking and talking about what they believe they did wrong. They cannot forgive themselves and have a high amount of self-loathing. They might keep saying, for example, “I shouted at the teacher. What do I do? I might never be forgiven.” It might also be about God, saying how they have not prayed or read the Bible and therefore God is unhappy with them etc. You will hear them having guilt that should not be there.

3. Self-destructive habits

Younger people will start mutilating their bodies. They may start cutting themselves and usually they begin with areas that are not dangerous, such as the palms of their hands. They will move up to the elbow joint and start moving upwards. When you see them starting to cut near the neck, they are unconsciously looking for where it would be dangerous, since if you cut the main artery near the neck you will bleed to death. They may also start becoming overly sexually active, having unprotected sex and not even care about STIs like HIV. Someone who never drove while drunk can begin doing it and not care, which would be out of character for them were it not for the depression.

4. Loss of interest

People suffering from depression usually lose interest in previously loved activities. A mother who loved cooking may lose interest in doing it or a youth who loved basketball may stop caring about it. Generally, loss of interest in activities that were previously pleasurable to them.

5. Sluggishness

You will notice slowing down of the body. They act like they have no energy and look like they are always fatigued, almost every day. This affects their work and their productivity will definitely decline.

6. Changes in eating habits

Once depression sets in, eating habits change. They will either eat too much, too little or not eat at all. There may be a marked change in body weight. They will lose or add five per cent of their body weight.

7. Changes in sleeping patterns

They may either not be sleeping (insomnia) or they sleep too much (hypersomnia). When I am counseling someone’s child or spouse, they will sometimes tell me: “You know they sleep until midday!” Because they have no energy, many sleep too much, while others will not sleep at all.

8. Low self esteem

They will start having negative feelings and view of themselves. They will say things like: „I’m not good enough”, “I don’t dress well”, or “I’m not beautiful.” When you hear that a lot and you were not used to hearing that from them, that is a sign of depression.

9. They have feelings hopelessness and helplessness

They will say things like: “You know, there’s nothing I can do, my father has no money to take me to college,” and they think they are unable to do anything about it. Feeling helpless and hopeless comes out very clearly for a depressed person.

10. Romanticisation of death

Depressed people may start speaking favourably of death and have suicidal ideations. They may say things like life is unfair and they wish they were dead or if someone dies they wish it was them. They have recurrent thoughts of death and make it start sounding appealing, unlike normal human beings who will do anything to avoid death.