Meet your daughters’ needs or a sponsor will

In the last couple of weeks, we have been hearing a lot of about the Kenyan world of sponsors - so much so that the issue even found its way onto BBC. I found it interesting how as usual, many Kenyans expressed outrage and righteous indignation at what they consider to be immoral culture of sponsorship.

Some said they could not understand why young women would resort to sleeping with older men for cash and favours. Others said they could not understand why older men are preying on younger women. Yet this has been the state of affairs since time immemorial; only that nowadays, we have a special twist when it comes to sponsorship. So today, I hope I can educate some of the ignorant (or those in denial) about sponsorship mamboleo. One of the hugest enablers of modern-day sponsorship is parents of young women - and here is how they do it. Most parents to young women are oblivious to the fact that girls today like to look and feel very cute, very early in life.

By the time a modern girl is in her teens, she wants to use the top brand of lip-gloss and the latest designer perfume.

Thanks to the world of Kardashians, she wants to wear the best of the trendiest in fashion. Now most parents (especially mothers) like to adopt some moralist tendencies and refuse to release budgets for what they like to label as the frivolities and trinkets of femininity.

So all it takes is for some generous man to send some loose cash for the salon, or for the gloss and the journey into sponsorship begins.

So parents of girls need to get a handle on all elements of their daughters’ needs or else some sponsor will. The sponsor culture has morphed in the last couple of years to better fit into what we call market conditions. On one hand you have many beautiful young women who need periodic financial injections so that they can fit into today’s world.

On the other hand you have middle-aged men, who have been neglected by their wives and who need their mojo uplifted by youth and beauty.

This is a perfect combination but can go perfectly wrong if one of the said parties does not play by the rules.

I must say that most of today’s sponsored girls feel no shame about their choices - they know that they are in it to make cash and good fortune. So unlike in the past, they no longer choose to stay quietly behind the scenes to enjoy the fruits of their illicit relationship. When these girls are not telling their possé of friends about how well they are fairing, they are posting their exploits on social media. These girls also know that they can exact their pound of flesh by using the same images to blackmail their sponsors should they refuse to toe the line.

Of course this does not augur well for their partners in crime who still think they can pull off some form of decency by hiding their deeds from their spouses and from society. So, any modern-day sponsor must manage the publicity side of their relationship because this could one day lead to a lot of trouble.

Both parties in a sponsor relationship need to be clear from the onset about the rules of engagement.

For instance, the man must let the girl know of his sexual expectations.

What times to call, what level of support to provide and other seemingly minor issues. The girl must know with certainty the shelf life of the relationship. She must know if this relationship is meant to last through her campus life, till she gets a job, or she gets married.

This lack of clarity has come back to haunt very many men who have become fathers, or become victims of major blackmail scams just because they did not settle the rules from the beginning.

Finally, those in sponsor relationships must always know that there will always be other players in their team.

The sponsor must not flatter himself that since he pays the bills and occasionally lays the girl, then all is well.

No matter how good he might think he is sexually, most young girls often need a ‘real boyfriend’, one who does a better job when it comes to sex - mainly because he is younger, fitter and most importantly broke and idle. Most girls also need to know that their men are definitely bedding their wives -- even when they lie that their wives no longer turn them on. These same men could also be extending their generosity to other girls -- and so protection must be part of the game or else death will be an option. The thing is that if one chooses to get into the sponsorship world, they need to play by the rules and always have an exit plan.

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