Meaning gets lost in improper grouping of words or phrase order

On January 6, 2018, a bus belonging to Simba Coach Bus Company was torched by irate boda boda riders after it hit and killed their colleague at Kijiwenga on the Mombasa-Malindi highway. Sad as it was, it was news anyway, and journalists had to inform their readers.

An online newspaper edition that carried the story published it in such an outrageous manner, it was the presentation, rather than the story, that became the news. It was a classic case of ‘first language’ interference hampering the work of a journalist. The first contact language for most of us was our mother tongue. That is something to be proud of because it keeps us in touch with our culture.

However, urbanisation, modernity, and inter-tribal marriages have denied some individuals the pleasure of conversing in their mother tongue since they are exposed to either English or Kiswahili from infancy. For some, speaking English is a measure of civilisation, or as they say in slang, ‘having arrived’.

PUNCTUATION

By default, most of us think in our mother tongues. But as much as we should be proud of our mother tongues, these languages become a burden when say, an individual cobbling together a story thinks in his or her mother tongue, directly translates the words into English, and presents the product as a news story, whether on the online platform or in print. Let us look at some excerpts from the aforementioned story.

‘The bus burnt to almost completion’. Really? ‘The bus burnt’ ought to have been, ‘The bus was burnt’. Going by the first grouping of words, the action of burning was initiated (done) by the bus. ‘Completion’ (noun) is defined as the action or process of finishing something. Such a process involves something animate, which the bus is not. It would have served the purpose for the story teller to have simply written: ‘The bus was completely (adverb) burnt or destroyed’.

‘Drama unfolded after the bus which was heading to Malindi from Nairobi was engaged in the accident’. The use of a comma or dash instead of the words ‘which was’ in the context in which they have been used would have sufficed (Drama unfolded after the bus, headed to Malindi from Nairobi…). To ‘engage’ means to occupy or attract someone’s attention. It means to participate, as in a game or event. It also means to join in. It is, therefore, improbable that a bus can ‘participate’ in an accident. ‘Involved in’, also a synonym of ‘engage’, is more appropriate.

‘Attempts by police to put off the fire proved futile’. To ‘put off’ is to discourage, to dismiss. It is unlikely the police were trying to discourage the fire from destroying the bus. What the police attempted to do was ‘put out’ (extinguish) the fire to save the bus.

AMBIGUITY

‘The confusion saw Malindi fire brigade reach the scene after bus was already burned to ashes’. While the word ‘reach’ serves the purpose in describing what happened after, ‘arrived at’ is the better form.

Grammatically, ‘bus was already burned’ is wrong. 'The bus had already been burnt’. Note 'burnt’ versus ‘burned’. The adjective ‘burnt’ describes what took place more concisely than the past participle ‘burned’. The influence of American English, however, could see both words used interchangeably.

‘Last month, boda boda riders in Homa Bay turned against a driver of a bus which knocked one of them and torched the vehicle’. This is an ambiguous statement. The use of the determiner ‘a’ refers to any driver. Because the boda boda riders were incensed by a particular driver, ‘the’ (definite article) is more precise. A person is 'knocked down', not 'knocked', by a vehicle. The use of the determiner ‘which’ raises the several questions, among them: Did the bus knock down ‘one of them’ after the boda boda guys had turned against the driver? Did the bus knock down one of them, then proceeded to the torch the vehicle (which?). Word order is important.

‘The accident disrupted traffic for several hours as the bus was burned right at the middle of the road’. We say ‘hit the road’, ‘get onto the road’, ‘get off the road’. The bus was burned ‘in’ the middle of the road. ‘At’ is specific (particular). To, therefore, casually judge the exact centre of a road that runs for hundreds of kilometres would be impossible.

‘In protest against the death of their colleague’. To ‘protest against’ is bad form. One simply protests (about) something.