5 ways to know your man is faking an orgasm

By Brian Okoth (@BrianOkoth2)

Women are good at doing it; faking orgasm, but what I have come to learn is: what a woman can do in between the sheets, a man can do much better!

Unless we are practicing unprotected ‘combat’, you have no idea what is going on – whether I faked ‘it’ or not; do you? No, you do not; so let us get into why a man who would fake ‘satisfaction indicator’:

He is not feeling you

Every man loves art and the beauty of art is that it can allow a person the opportunity to swap the image of one object with another. However, where art has extremely failed, is in its inability to enable a man to mentally swap the body of a lady whom he is not so much into with that of Grace Msalame or Faith Muturi.

I am not saying all brothers have this problem as the paper bag champs only need some friction to gush, but if a man is not feeling you, your smell or your body…, he may just moan and groan, ‘baby am almost there’ to get done with it once and for all.

We do not want you to go tell your nosy and noisy girlfriends, who have extremely high qualification profiles in humiliation and mockery, how we were defeated to ignite the engine. We rather fake it than quit, get me?

He is tired

Hey madam, we may feel like we are riding in heaven for the first 20 or so minutes, but after an hour of seriously beating it, it starts to feel like I have been a slave of hard labour for 12 years. Top that off with your much-needed phrase (at that juncture), ‘are you close?’  so that I hurriedly tell you ‘yes’, lest I die in your ‘central government’.

At least leave something for us to start the day with the following morning. It happens, sometimes you cannot really summon the flood, it gets stubborn and you are forced to automatically switch gears like those ‘drivers’ in blue films.

He is hurting you

No brother would love to quit, and if you are not moderately ‘flooding’ down there, and you are not heated up enough to make him go gaga crazy while he is inside your little ‘kingdom’, then he will fake it just to spare you from the skin burns and the inability to walk upright after winding up the ‘private meeting’.

We men are emotional and sensitive beings too; we know it when your moans are communicating pain, and when they are communicating pleasure; we would love and appreciate the former than the latter. If we realise that we are inflicting pain in ‘paradise’, we fake ‘exit’ to leave paradise a more peaceful place.

He is not into girls

I am not talking about those brothers who fancy fellow men; sometimes, guys like their hand a whole lot better… Let us stick to that. If your man is beating up Jack Palmer daily, then chances have it that all his ‘member’ knows and wants are guaranteed by him living high on his own supply.

You may not be able to bring him to orgasm, as you cannot emulate the experience, knowledge and touch of his fist. Very sad I know, but sister it is your fault! Why are you not spreading it out more? I am just pulling your leg, don’t worry…

He is not in the moods

The most misinformed belief most women have about men is that we are ever ready for ‘action’, and that our sexual moods are always, I am taking that again; ALWAYS ignited! That is not the case, we have days when our ‘heads’ and ‘backs’ ache too; those are the days if you ask us to visit your little downtown city, we won’t take long tours inside, and would be too quick to end the visit by pretending we are so satisfied with the ‘tour’; no we are not, we are just not in the moods! Get it.