He keeps infecting me with STIs but denies it

He keeps infecting me with STIs but denies it

This week's topic:

I have been married for eight years but the last one year has been very bad. I had some complications some time ago and upon getting a checkup, the doctor was surprised to treat me for an STI. When I told my husband, he was totally pissed off and accused me of sleeping around, which really hurt me for I have never been unfaithful to him. We were both treated but the same problem has recurred twice thereafter, and the doctor said that one of us must be having a partner who was not treated, thus they keep re-infecting us. I keep wondering why he is taking me through all this. The doctor said if I keep getting re-infected, it could affect my ovaries but I am also worried about HIV. I really don't know what to do now but I am scared. He has refused to come clean with me yet all this is putting me in great danger. Please advise...

{Susan G}

It must hurt knowing that your husband is betraying you. Seek medical advice. You seem to be blaming each other instead of facing the problem. Find the solution together. What do you expect of him if you start with accusations before discussions? He can only come clean if you approach him in a calm and friendly manner.

{Ouma Ragumo}

That is a dangerous direction you are taking because it puts you at risk of contracting HIV. You may tell your husband that you are not against his extra-marital affairs, but he should use protection. He may be having multiple sexual partners, a constant visitor to the brothels or he is having a relationship with a woman who has multiple partners. If he refuses to change, it may be better to take a break from him than die a miserable death.

{Onyango Outha}

Susan, try and fully understand the kind of infection. It may just be a yeast infection and for many people, this keeps coming back even with treatment. I would get such an infection every time I had sex, but was advised to take lots of water and natural yoghurt and it worked.

{Eunice Mwacharo}

The infection could be because of the change in pH levels in your vagina. This changes often depending on the time of the month. However, if the doctor says it is an STI then you need to stay away from that man. Some of them could lead you to become barren for life. Don’t put your life in danger just to please your man.

{Lillian Mose}

It is clear that he is the cause. Please find a way to talk to him since he is the man you chose. This is not a laughing matter. It could land you in serious trouble. If you fear confronting him, involve your pastor or his parents.

{Fred Jausenge}

Susan, you are at a very high risk of contracting other STIs. Go for a check-up and tests to see if you have any of the other infections or diseases including HIV. In the meantime, insist on condoms.

{Wilberforce Atsiaya}

Counsellor's take

This is not entirely strange and many couples go through this, more so where one or both partners are having risky sexual relations. By "risky sexual relations" I mean unprotected sex and with multiple partners.

I had a lengthy discussion with a physician so as to help give you a solid response for your issue. At the beginning he was rather startled that a married couple had been treated for an STI on several occasions. He had three main concerns; one, he wanted to know the exact problem to assist in providing a solid diagnosis; two, that the infection may be recurring for various reasons (discussed below) and three, that he is exposing you to even greater danger of contracting HIV.

He was particularly interested in knowing the specific STI because some of them have tendencies to re-occur even after treatment. Others have potential to affect your reproductive organs to such an extent that your child bearing abilities become greatly compromised.

Your suspicions that he may be having unprotected sex with a partner or partners who are infected may not be far from the truth. If treatment is not administered to all sexual partners at the same time, then re-infection is inevitable because those who did not access treatment remain active. This increases the likelihood of re-infection.

However, some infections such as Chlamydia have been known to re-occur even after treatment. This is another scenario that could be playing out here but there is a greater likelihood that there are other sexual partners involved here who are not getting treated.

Some STIs can be successfully managed through proper treatment but some such as herpes, syphilis, Hepatitis (A, B or C) and Gonorrhea among others can have long term and life threatening implications. This should inform both of you on the need to get comprehensive tests to accurately diagnose the problem and seek effective treatment.

Some infections are difficult to detect while others require specialized tests. Comprehensive testing means that he should also be tested. The re-infection may be occurring because of inadequate treatment. However, the issue of multiple sexual partners should also be candidly discussed between the two of you. Ask him to reflect on the likely consequence of his actions and make the right choices for the sake of your family.

With all the risk he has put you through, he may not come clean and disclose everything about his sexual relations. However, having a candid talk and putting the responsibility of safeguarding the well-being of the family in his hands may yield some good fruits. On the other hand, you also ought to let the past be the past and focus on dealing with the issues that are at hand.

{Taurus}