Nurturing individual traits in twins

Even identical twins are separate individuals and parents should strive to cultivate each of their talents, writes JOHN MUTURI

We seem to assume that twins will always do everything together. However, they’re individuals and as they grow older, they’ll need careful handling to ensure they treated as separate individuals.

How do you cultivate that special twin relationship and at the same time encourage each of your children to develop their particular talents and tastes? How do you convince teachers and others that the two are separate individuals?

Twins have to get used to sharing and it difficult to be certain that you’re giving equal shares of love and attention.

There are many ways parents can emphasise their different identities from when they are young. For instance, whenever they take photos of the babies, they can consistently put a particular one on the right and the other on the left so that it’s possible to point to one and know for certain who it is.

Birthday parties can be another tricky area. Some parents hold a joint birthday party, but always make sure they have two separate cakes and that they sing happy birthday twice. Buying one present for both is economical and easier, but it is advisable to buy each one their own.

In case of identical twins, it’s difficult for other people to tell them apart. You can help them do so and at the same time help your children feel unique by giving each an easy means of identification. For instance, dressing one in a certain colour or giving them different haircuts.

Separate interests

There are no cast iron rules on whether or not to separate twins when they start school. It depends on their personalities and how attached they’re to each other.

While it helps for them to be together in early years, there is danger that they may stick too close to each other and never bother to seek out other friends.

As the children grow older, encourage their separate interests and hobbies.

Ten tips for parents of twins

1.    Never call your children ‘The twins’ and discourage other people from doing so.

2.    When they start making their own friends, try to arrange for them to play with them separately. When one goes out, have another friend home for the other child or plan a special outing.

3.    If they have similar interests, try to encourage slightly different aspects. If both love sports, one could swim and the other play tennis.

4.    Spend time with each child alone.

5.    Each should have a special corner of the house or room she can call her own.

6.    Dress them differently. As they get older, explain why they have different clothes, hairstyles and so on.

7.    Buy them separate presents and encourage friends to do likewise.

8.    When starting school, discuss with the teacher the possibility of having them in separate classes or groups.

9.    Avoid making comparisons, especially in the presence of one or both children.

10. Advise the teacher on any individual characteristics and preferences to help them distinguish between your children.