Five most annoying questions to ask a Kalenjin

There’s a little pride that has sprouted over the past five years among the people from the rift valley, the people of milk, as we would love to call ourselves. Look, we are in government after many years of being in the cold. We blame Baba Moi for getting used to being in government. Tuko serikali a tag we wear courtesy of our very own son arap Ruto. Forget the crap social media busy bodies and Miguna Miguna talk about. We will defend our own as if he gives us a special stipend to ease our joblessness, add that to special supermarket counters that he has reserved for us. How else did Nakumatt collapse?

Can I call you Kip?

We do find ourselves around people from different cultural backgrounds. It could be school, or work. What’s so striking is when someone finds a Kalenjin name so taxing to pronounce. I mean what’s so difficult in saying Kipchirchir? They do say so often, that it is difficult, and even suggest to call you Kip. ‘It’s so difficult, I’ll just call you Kip,’ goes the slay queen. You can place a Kip into any context, except that you are part of a retarded generation that shows up every five years to renew mediocrity. Kip is a name someone would call a dog. You just say, Kip Kip and it wags its tail then you say sah, and off it goes to bite the enemy.

Where is your chaget?

“Where is your prown chaget?” one asks once they know you are a Kale.

Well, it’s true that we do have a close affinity for that brown leather jacket. It’s easy to clean, durable, warm, and most importantly it’s an all weather jacket (it can be worn when it is sunny or rainy). But then not everybody wants that. Yes, we come from the Great Rift, but we do not subscribe to the same fashion sense. More often than not, one is tempted to just say that the chaget is chilling at home, waiting for a sacred moment to be worn. You can’t just wear it just anyhow especially in this city and disclose your identity, and political affiliation.

Why didn’t you choose to run?

"Your people are millionaires and you are here burrowing books, why couldn’t you just run?" she once asked. She should not be confused with slay queens’, she was a woman with the right things between her ears. I did want to take the question as a joke but she didn’t take any jokes. Every single one of us has that athletic gene. It however got suppressed by the allure of books. Lucky enough school was stone throwaway for many us, therefore the need to run to school every morning did not arise. We left the tracks for the less fortunate in the society.

Why are your girls not endowed?

There are plenty of our girls who are quite endowed, but they see no need to flaunt it. You may just get content with our track queens who are lean bodied, built just for the tracks. With that kind of leanness, toned abs and all, you do not have any right whatsoever to imagine that they are an accurate representation of our girls. My friend, make a visit to the land of milk, and see for your eyes.

Why do you support jubilee?

Some bloggers have taken to calling us Kalenjingas. It’s kind of degrading to say the least. They are however entitled to their own opinions, but they should be cognizant of the fact that not all of us support Jubilee, and to a large extent William. Personally, I struggle every single day to find at least one thing that is good about Jubilee. And I do doubt if I am alone. There are some of us who want a just Kenya, a Kenya where everyone is equal and there’s respect for everyone regardless of their differences.