Trials intersex children undergo in quest for identity, acceptance
National
By
Juliet Omelo
| Nov 03, 2026
Intersex children often grow up navigating questions about their bodies and identity in a society that expects everyone to fit neatly into male or female categories. For some, the struggle begins at birth; for others, it becomes more pronounced at puberty, when physical changes bring fresh uncertainty, unwanted attention and difficult decisions.
Beyond the medical questions, many face stigma in schools, rejection by peers and pressure from families and communities to conform to expectations they may not identify with. Their experiences expose a wider struggle for acceptance, dignity and the freedom to understand themselves without discrimination.
For Bernard, formerly Nancy, growing up intersex meant years of trying to understand a body that did not conform to what society expected. Their voice broke while they were still in Class Three, long before they understood why their physical development was different from that of other children.
“I saw I was very different from the ladies. I had so many questions, but my mother used to encourage me day in, day out,” Bernard recalls.
The differences became more difficult to navigate during puberty. While other girls developed hips, Bernard's voice had already deepened, and they experienced menstruation alongside masculine physical features.
The attention and curiosity from classmates made school particularly difficult. Bernard recalls being stared at and having to conceal their body, sometimes using a sweater to avoid unwanted attention.
“It was very hard. I stayed four days without going to school,” they say.
Although Bernard's family did not reject them, acceptance within the wider community remained a challenge. They say some relatives struggled to understand their experiences, while discrimination often began in the neighbourhood and extended into other areas of life.
Relationships have presented another difficult experience. Bernard says people often make assumptions about their identity, confusing being intersex with being gay or transgender.
“People say I am gay, which I am not. Or they say I am trans, which I am not,” Bernard says.
They also describe the difficulty of allowing someone into their personal life when the other person's interest may be driven by curiosity about their body rather than genuine affection.
“You cannot date today and expect to go with me tomorrow to bed. I am asking for time,” Bernard says.
For Peter Maingi, an intersex rights advocate and father, the struggle became personal when his child was born with genitalia that did not fit typical male or female classifications.
He had expected a baby boy, having even arranged tests before the birth. But the child's physical characteristics left the family searching for answers.
“I was expecting a baby boy. To my amazement, when the child came, it was something that shocked somebody because the child had what we call ambiguous genitalia,” Peter says.
The initial diagnosis was undescended testicles. Further investigations, including a biopsy and chromosome testing, later revealed a variation identified as XX46 and mixed gonadal dysgenesis.
The family spent five years navigating hospitals as they sought answers. Peter says the experience was emotionally and financially draining, exposing them to the difficulties families face when trying to understand and access specialised care.
“This almost brought me to my death,” he says, reflecting on the strain of the journey.
Now 16, his child is approaching adulthood in a body that continues to change, bringing fresh questions about identity, acceptance and the freedom to make personal decisions.
Peter says the family has had to allow the child time to grow before making decisions about possible interventions. The child has developed breasts and uses binders to manage the changes while continuing to live as a boy.
“If my child now wants to live like a boy, he will need to use hormones for the rest of his life,” Peter says.
He adds that the decision cannot simply be imposed by parents or dictated by society. The child must be given an opportunity to determine how they want to live.
“Because they are so tough, they need protection, love, and I am ready to make sure I will protect them to the end,” he said.
Peter confirmed that the difficulties facing intersex children extend beyond their homes and hospitals. Schools can become hostile environments, with some children being forced to move from one institution to another after their physical characteristics attract attention.
He recalls cases of children being denied admission or struggling to remain in school because their bodies do not fit the expectations attached to boys' or girls' institutions.
He also points to the high cost of specialised tests, which leaves some families without a clear understanding of their children's variations and medical needs.
Brenda Imali, a psychologist and medical social worker who supports intersex individuals and their families, noted that these experiences underline the importance of psychosocial support throughout the journey.
Her work involves supporting parents, children and siblings, accompanying families during hospital visits, helping them understand medical information and facilitating support groups.
“The mental health journey is not short. It is a long journey. It needs a lot of encouragement,” Imali said.
She said support groups provide spaces where parents and intersex individuals can share experiences, encourage one another and seek referrals where necessary.
Imali is also involved in sensitising healthcare workers and advocating against unnecessary early interventions on intersex children's bodies, commonly referred to as intersex genital mutilation.
According to her, decisions about medical interventions should not be left to one professional or made without considering the child's wider circumstances.
“We should have a multidisciplinary approach,” she said, explaining that surgeons, endocrinologists, gynaecologists, urologists, psychiatrists, psychologists and social workers should contribute their expertise before decisions are made.
Imali cautions that intersex variations are not uniform, and the medical needs of one individual may be very different from those of another.
“If you have five intersex people lined up here today, you will find that all these five have different variations. Intervention of intersex A, intervention of intersex B and intervention of intersex C are very different,” she noted.
Beyond the family and healthcare system, advocates say Kenya has made progress in recognising intersex people, although significant gaps remain in the implementation of their rights.
Veronica Moinge, an advocate and public policy expert, said the Children Act 2022 legally recognised and protected intersex children. Changes to birth registration regulations have also introduced an intersex marker, while the Kenya Institute of Curriculum Development has incorporated intersex awareness into the junior school curriculum.
She affirms that the inclusion of intersex issues in education is important because children need to understand bodily diversity before misconceptions and stigma take root.
However, recognition at birth has not fully resolved challenges in accessing national identity cards, healthcare, education and employment. Moinge said government systems must be aligned to ensure intersex people are not excluded as they grow into adulthood.
She points to the need for the intersex marker to be accommodated in national identification and health systems, including the Social Health Authority framework, so that access to services is not disrupted.
Moinge is calling for the fast-tracking of the Intersex Persons Bill, 2024, developed through consultations involving the Kenya National Commission on Human Rights and the Intersex Persons Coordination Committee.
“We need a law because most of the time when you go to some of these ministries and departments, the majority of the people will tell you, ‘I am unable to assist because I don't have a policy. I don't have a law,’” she said.
She argues that specific legislation would establish clear obligations for government agencies, provide a basis for budgetary allocations and strengthen protection against discrimination.
“The law also comes in and puts an obligation on the relevant actors. Once we have the law, then it becomes automatic that systems will work,” Moinge asserted.
For people such as Bernard and Peter's child, legal recognition and policy changes matter because the difficulties confronting intersex people do not end with a medical diagnosis. They follow them into classrooms, friendships, relationships and the wider community.
Peter said the starting point must be acceptance within families and protection of children from discrimination and unnecessary medical interventions.
For intersex children, the journey towards understanding their bodies and identity can be complicated by a society that often demands clear answers before allowing them to belong.
Their struggle is not simply about choosing between male and female. It is also about having the space to grow, make decisions about their own lives and be accepted without discrimination.