Preventing date rape

By Njoki Karuoya

Picture this scenario:

Girl likes boy. Boy likes girl. They agree to go out on a date. It’s in a restaurant, or in a pub, and they are having fun flirting and getting to know each other. All seems to be going well.

At one time, she goes to the ladies, returns and continues to sip her drink. When she wakes up next, she is on a strange bed, with the guy hovering over her. She is fully clothed, but she can feel, deep within her, that something is terribly wrong, though she cannot recall what.

Picture this other scenario:

Girl and guy go out on a date. They click so well and have so much fun that at the end of it, the girl agrees to have a nightcap at the guy’s place before proceeding home.

The fun continues and the girl totally relaxes, believing she’s out with an increasingly potential Mr Right. They begin kissing and both seem to enjoy it, but when the guy wants to take the action to third base, the girl resists.

The guy forces the action to the extent that the girl begins to panic, but the guy is too far gone to stop himself, plus he wants to go the full hog.  Using his physical strength, he eventually has intercourse with the girl, despite her protests. At the end of it, he thanks her for the good time and sleeps. The girl waits for him to wake up and take her home.

Final scenario:

Girl plans with her galfriends to go out clubbing and enjoy a night out. She gets to the club and realises she’s the first one there. She heads to the bar counter, orders a drink and sips it slowly as she waits for her gals.

A guy joins her at the bar and they start chatting. The game is going on well. At one point, one of her friends calls to inform her she’s almost there. She looks away for a moment to replace her phone back in her handbag. The next time she opens her eyes, she is in a bush, or trench, almost naked, and bitterly cold. It’s been 36 hours since she took her last sip.

These three scenarios represent one of the scariest experiences all girls dread — to be drugged and raped yet bear no knowledge of it, or have the knowledge of it but be afraid to report it because you know not many people will believe you, considering you willingly went to his place. How do you accuse your attacker when he says the sex was consensual, or when you have no recollection of what he did, yet you have the medical evidence?

Gals must learn not to trust anyone, especially at a public place, including buses and matatus. There are many guys today who have a low appreciation of ladies, just as there are so many sophisticated drugs that blend very well with liquids and cannot be detected even by smell. That’s why gals must be very careful of the guys they take home, or the guys and gals around them to avoid being drugged, raped and even robbed in the process.

What can you do to protect yourself?

1. Never get so drunk that you cannot control yourself or are not aware of your surroundings. Know your limit. If you feel you are beginning to get drunk and you are not among trusted friends, stop drinking alcohol and switch to water or soft drinks.

2. Never ever leave your drink unattended. Always keep your eyes on your bottle and glass. Should you feel the urge to go to the ladies, finish your drink first then go. Don’t order for another one until you get back.

Should someone order for you, let the waiter know that you want him or her to open the bottle in your presence. If you get back from the ladies and your bottle is open and you are not among trusted friends, order for another one and ask for the opened one to be returned. Whatever you do, don’t drink it. It is always better to be safe than sorry.

3. If you’ve been invited to a party where you do not know the hosts or the guests, avoid drinking from the punch bowl, as you will never be sure what’s in it. Rather, ask for your own drink.

4.Never give out your personal information to strangers, no matter how handsome or trustworthy they look. Such personal information, like where you stay, how much you earn, the properties you or your family owns, and so on, can lead to you being attacked.

5.Remember, the power to have sex lies wholly with you. You can agree to have sex with someone like your boyfriend then withdraw your offer before going through with it. That is your right and prerogative.

You should never allow a guy to insist that sex is part of the dating deal and that you owe him the act just because he bought you expensive food and drinks. Your body belongs to you, not him.

6.To prevent the above situation, always make your intentions clear. Draw your boundaries early on so the guy is clear of what you want or are doing. Don’t give out mixed signals that end up confusing your date and giving him the wrong impression.

7.In everything you do, mean what you say. Let your ‘No’ feel and sound like a ‘No’, not a ‘Maybe’.

8.If the date or the environment of the date gets to a place that makes you feel nervous, leave. Don’t hang around until trouble breaks out and you are caught in the middle of it, which could result in a rape.