Twilight girls safer, healthier than your mistress

Often known as the world’s oldest profession, commercial sex work has evolved over the years and now has an even more descent name that is not the 1990s (prostitution) as it used to be referred to.

Gone are the days when twilight girls would hide in the dark to do their thing. Nowadays, they parade themselves on the streets, skimpily dressed, hawking whatever they are selling.

They have the audacity to approach potential clients for a bei ya jioni bargain. It is considered immoral, especially by religious and conservative people, because it is an act that involves humans ‘selling their bodies’.

But then again, there’s sexual liberation and everyone is allowed to do whatever they deem fit with their sexuality.

Recently, I was at a restaurant having my religious ginger and lemon tea to beat the stubborn flu. I eavesdropped a very interesting man-talk. Three guys are sitting at a table right in front of me having the usual man-to-man convo.

One of them, who sounded like a retired and experienced field marshal, was convincing his seemingly younger buddies that in the present world, it’s much safer to shag a random commercial sex worker than the consistent mpango wa kando that nearly every man has. Actually, every man has one. Or two. Or even three mipangos. No, this was not their opinion. It’s mine.

 “First of all,” he starts. “A side chick is the biggest burden any man of sound mind should get off his shoulders, especially in these hard economic times.” His friends looked bewildered. 

 “Mnatoa wapi pesa bana?” he continued. 
“You pay half her bedsitter rent, send small weekly monies for her PP2 CBC baby because you loved her with her kid, no? Before you count the date 4 towards the 37th of the month, her gas is finished and she urgently needs Sh3,250 na ya kutoa for a refill.

“Her short blonde hair needs a professional trim and dye, every week. Her acrylic nails. The Sh1,050 chama every Sunday. Those random lunches and romantic dinner dates, chocolates, and flowers you send to her office often. Don’t forget that her small sister is in campus and once in a while you have to send Sh3,000 for her upkeep. Piga hesabu buanaa,” he retorted.

My very reliable source of information paid their bill and left but my mind was triggered. There were once some very shocking statistics from the Ministry of Health about more married couples testing positive for sexually transmitted infections as compared to single people. Assuming these people don’t go around having commercial sex in the streets and brothels, where do they get these infections to take home to their partners?

 The truth is, very few people test themselves and their secret lovers for sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV. Actually, they test each other with eyes! By just looking at the other person, one assumes they’re too good to be ‘sick’. And that’s how gonorrhea, syphilis and other nasty STIs easily find themselves in matrimonial beds, sending innocent women on frequent painful peeing sessions and rotational antibiotics.

These mipango ya kando have other mipangos that they have unprotected sexcapades with, but because we trust too much too soon, this is something we don’t want to talk about. Concealed affairs have broken marriages and will still do. These are arrangements that get serious at some point, people get attached and fall in love. Unplanned babies pop in and this is where stress comes in - DNA threats, trust issues, numerous court summons and child upkeep demands.

The heart is such a stupid organ and the moment other excited body organs get involved in this whole arrangement, that’s the beginning of the fall of man.

 A random steamy sexcapade with a pick-me, a commercial sex worker, is probably less dangerous than with your consistent person. This is purely commercial, with no unnecessary emotions, no questions, and no promises. There’s no worry of aftermaths, no what-ifs, no missed periods. Talk of trapping the other gender with pregnancies (this is something I will never subscribe to) but why would a sex worker trap you with pregnancy, Boaz?

 Considering that this is a ‘profession’ and these babes are doing it purely for money, they would often want to keep themselves safe and maintain healthy habits for their next client because they have bills to pay. Most would demand protected sex, unlike your usual trusted girlfriend whom you chew raw, after being chewed raw by her other three boyfriends and mubaba who pays her rent and is allergic to latex.

Can we talk about confidentiality and the risk of being ‘found’ by your wife, buddies, or people known to you when chewing the forbidden apple? Unless it’s such a coincidence that you frequent the same place with your buddies or your local pastor, this is something only you and your gods will know. Side chicks are known but a random Abscondita in some dingy lodgo downtown is safe.