Sometimes one looks at our local celebs and wonders what career they would be in if they had not been born with the talent, or sheer dumb duck’s luck, to be doing whatever it is they’re currently engaged in. Here’s TONY MOCHAMA’S take on that.
Avril – Stripper
With those large eyes and that bold sultry look, no doubt Avril would be a stripper called ‘April Nyambush’ at Apple Bees in Nairobi’s CBD.
She would lick scarlet-red lips as she swings off glistening poles, hump the cat-walk, and generally chokoza the clientele, getting the guys all in a lather as they holler ‘at a gal’ and pump Jirongos (old school for Sh500 notes) into the hem of her bright red granny panties.
Marya – Teacher
By contrast, Marya would be that big-bodied teacher in a boys’ high school who has the adolescent lads salivating and calling her names after hot female characters in English literature set books.
Being of slightly teasing and depraved character, Mwalimu Marya would indulge their Form Two fantasies by always dressing in tight blouses showing buxom bosom.
Jua Cali – Tout
If life had taken another turn, no pun intended, Jua Cali would have been a tout on one of those notorious ‘Eastlando’ routes.
He wouldn’t be one of those tough ones. Being the soft-spoken guy we know, he would have been one of those who ask to do a ‘rao’ (round) in the inner-estate of the city to make a penny.
Shaffie Weru – Maize vendor
Picture Shaffie in a scruffy T-shirt and a tired cap beside a dusty road, eyes bright red with brown teeth blowing hot coal as he says, “Boss, si hii mei imeiva (isn’t this roast ready)?”