Holy drama as man of cloth visits the local

The local saw an unusual visitor the other day. He sported a huge silver cross on his chest, but again musicians have a habit of wearing the crucifix even when it’s evident they belong to the Church of the Holy Majority.

But this visitor, who came man solo, did not resemble a rapper. He had that Kalonzo Musyoka hairstyle and a black coat over a black shirt.

He ordered a kilo of meat after asking Nyambu, the counter girl, to serve him a bottle of Johnny Walker Double Black. The meat, he instructed Waka-Knife the butcher, was to be made tumbukiza style, which is the preference of men from a ‘certain community.’

“With tumbukiza, butcher has nothing to steal,” said the visitor, asking for serviette. He wiped the rim of his glass for a considerable time arguing that, “This bar glasses, you never know which lips they kiss...it could be from mtu ana tetanus, pepo punda ama kaswende!”

Nyambu lifted her head with her bird’s nest hairdo to size up the visitor juu-chini. From the look in her eyes, one could tell she approved of his kind of maringo.

Karembo, who has now became our resident hooker, also took notice and began sitting like a compass, kutega style.

Karembo exposed her inner thighs and from where the newcomer was seated, her red kata-kundu (G-string) panties were visible. She lowered the cliff of her lift and separate bras to reveal her tu-nyosh which resembled two low-hanging macadamia fruits in a Thika plantation.

The visitor was preoccupied with the Kenya vs New Zealand rugby match on the tube. His phone was so thin Waka-Knife could have cut the kilo of tumbuzika with it when it got ready after three hours kwa jiko.

Waka-Knife had not even started slicing the meat when he was instructed to remove his Muslim cap and close his big brown eyes. “Tuombe!” instructed the visitor in a tone of someone used to sternly commanding servants.

He slashed the air with the sign of the cross and said the Lord’s Prayer. This was new. Prayers kwa bar? Karembo closed her eyes and thighs too.

The Reverend Father Gakombe did not notice!