Making good choices sounds like an unquestionable truth. Our parents, guardians and teachers hammered it in so much during our childhood that it was almost obnoxious.
In reality, however, making good choices is important because it saves us a lot of heartache and loss. You reap rewards that extend far beyond the present moment.
We can all recall bad choices that led us to serious financial crunches, resulting from bad investments or spending sprees. There were heartaches from choosing the wrong partners or losing people we cared about, not to mention the heavy weight of shame and guilt that seemed to linger forever.
As we reminisce about our past mistakes, we wish we could get a manual for better decision-making in the future.
Making bad choices often shows a lack of consistency in our definition of bad behaviour. Guilt comes from acting contrary to who we know we are deep down, a feeling that no one enjoys.
So what makes a good choice? To be frank, the answer to that depends on who is asking. We are the ones to consider what is important and aligns with our needs. From my perspective, a good choice is one whose outcome pleases me and causes no harm to others in the process.
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However, science has done its best to try and identify the elements of a good choice. It claims that the best choices can be made when one has sufficient objective information on the subject matter and can anticipate what would happen in alternative scenarios.
Whatever the case, the pursuit to make better choices is indisputably worthwhile.
To make better choices, you need to surround yourself with people who make good choices. As cliché as it sounds, we are a product of the five people we spend most time with.
If you’ve resolved to quit drugs, hanging out with addicts or users won’t help much. You might rationalise all you want, but this is how you find yourself in an endless spiral of bad choices. This rule cuts across everything.
Ask yourself whether the choice feels instinctively good. “How does this decision make me feel?” If it’s all bad, I’d recommend you avoid it like the plague. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule; for example, feeling bad about breaking up. It’s normal to feel bad about hurting other people’s feelings, even if the relationship is lethal. But really, no relationship is ever worth your sanity.
Research about the possible outcomes; write down all the pros and cons. This is especially important when making financial decisions. If necessary, call a financial expert.
If that’s difficult, try Google or call up a friend who has taken the journey before you, or a mentor. Getting all the information you need is paramount. One of the major causes of depression worldwide is poor financial decisions.1
Read autobiographies or biographies of people you admire. History is filled with people who made good decisions, and a whole lot of others who, well, made horrible ones.
A lot can be learned from, say, the classic tale of Julius Caesar and Brutus or Napoleon the Great. You gain insight into their code of conduct and you’ll be motivated to follow suit or guardedly avoid.
Learn from your past mistakes. We all have a fair share of poor choices, but the silver lining is that these bad decisions can direct us to good decisions if we’re willing to learn.
So next time you make a bad choice, drop the guilt and introspect. A lesson from this will be a shining ember guiding your future muddled dilemmas. Your life experience is often the best map when it comes to navigating the decision-making process.
-Eve Waruingi is a counselling psychologist.