Learn how to manage your anger

A Black African couple quarrelling while sitting on the couch. [Courtesy, iStockphoto]

Anger in all its forms is a shared and very normal human experience. And while it often gets a bad rap, this powerful emotion isn’t inherently good or bad per se.

This powerful emotion arises from a myriad of sources in our daily lives. Common instigators include feelings of unfairness, perceived disrespect, unmet expectations, or a sense of being misunderstood.

It builds up when everyday frustrations, such as unexpected inconveniences, interpersonal conflicts, or simply feeling overwhelmed by various responsibilities, pile up.

Beyond external events, internal factors such as chronic stress, physical fatigue, hunger, and lingering unresolved issues from the past can significantly lower our emotional resilience, making us more susceptible to feelings of anger. That is why being aware of these personal triggers and vulnerabilities offers you the much-needed foresight to intervene before things escalate.

When anger is left unchanneled or expressed in harmful ways, its consequences can be far-reaching. It can contribute to elevated blood pressure, sleep disturbances, and a weakened immune system.

It will fuel your anxiety, exacerbate stress, and over time, diminish your overall well-being. Uncontrolled anger will erode trust, create distance, and even severely damage your most important connections.

According to Dr Charles Spielberger, anger lies not in suppressing or denying it but in understanding how it is expressed.

His work on anger as both a temporary state and a more enduring trait underscores that effectively managing this emotion is about channelling it adaptively rather than attempting its complete eradication.

Channelling anger in a healthy manner is a skill that can be developed and refined. It begins with self-awareness. Pick the physical and emotional cues that signal rising anger, and once you have them identified, pause. Simple techniques like taking several deep, calming breaths or counting slowly can create a vital mental space, preventing an immediate, impulsive reaction.

You may also want to move or detach yourself from the trigger to discern what truly provoked you. Is it about a minor inconvenience or a deeper feeling of disrespect, helplessness, or accumulated stress that the incident brought to the surface?

Once the initial intensity of anger has subsided, direct your energy towards finding solutions. If the situation is within your control, dedicate your mental resources to resolving it. If it’s outside your control, accept and redirect your focus to what you can influence.