Mukoma violated what's African and could have cursed himself

University of Nairobi Deputy vice chancellor academic affairs Ayub Gitau ,Tee Ngugi (son of Ngugi wa thiongo),East African Educational Publishers CEO Kiarie Kamau and Thiongo wa njinju during the Professor Ngugi wa thiongo celebrations of his life and literal works at the taifa hall , University of Nairobi on 20th June 2025. [David Gichuru, Standard]

In life, there are matters that demand silence from us. This is not because they are not important, or that we do not care. It is just that they are sacred. I have been around for a long time to understand the African worldview. To an African, the home is not merely a physical space. It is a spiritual institution.

It is where lineage is anchored, memory is stored, and where dignity must be guarded. To tear open its sacred veils is to invite a storm whose winds can never be fully contained. That is why I find it troubling, even heartbreaking, that Mukoma wa Ngugi, a fellow scholar and writer chose to speak publicly about the intimate relationship between his father and mother. Ngugi wa Thiong’o is now gone but Mukoma carries a burden on his shoulders.

Let me be very clear. I am not standing in judgment of Mukoma’s intellectual brilliance. He is a man of letters, a scholar who has earned his place in the world of global thought. In equal measure, I am not attempting to defend any shortcomings, real or imagined, of Ngugi wa Thiong’o.

Ngugi’s stature as one of Africa’s greatest literary minds is undisputed. He is my mentor. He has fought for African languages, for freedom, and for literature in ways many of us will never. However, the matter I am grappling with is something deeper: The African ethic of respect, the sanctity of family, and the limits of personal disclosure.

I think there is a clear distinction between what can be said in the public square and what must be preserved within the walls of the homestead. Our African folklore has thousand of cautionary gems about this. Yes. Don’t we say that the child of your uncle is not the same as the child of your mother? Blood ties come with a moral code, and with that code, silence is often a mark of wisdom.

What Mukoma wa Ngugi did by discussing his father’s marital relationship in public, is a cultural abomination. Where I come from, we say, the woman who lies with your father is your mother. 

That expression alone captures the depth of reverence expected in matters of parental relationships. No son has the cultural license to comment on the conjugal life of his parents, let alone do so on a public platform. It is a violation of a deep-seated African norm.

I am aware of the alternative thoughts steeped in Western liberal traditions that advance the view that, Mukoma was simply telling his truth. It is argued that he was exercising individual freedom and courage in exposing pain and dysfunction. But I think otherwise. In my understanding, truth is not the only virtue. Harmony, respect, and dignity are just as sacred.

The individual does not exist in isolation. One’s  words echo through the ancestral caves and ripple across generations. I do not think speaking publicly about such matters, about one’s father is an act of courage. No. It is an act of recklessness and immaturity.

Let me ask. What is gained when the private becomes public in such a painful way? What healing is possible when one sacrifices dignity for disclosure? If indeed Ngugi failed as a father or husband, is it the son’s role to air this before the world? No. Did Mukoma forget that in African culture we speak through symbols? We correct elders through suggestions, not confrontation. We do not seek to shame them. In fact we seek to restore. And I think Mukoma’s words did not restore, they fractured.

Yes. I dare say that Mukoma cursed himself. Not in the mystical sense only, but in the moral and social sense. For to shame one’s parent is to shame oneself. The father’s dignity and the son’s honour are tied.

When one falls, both bleed. Ngugi wa Thiong’o may not have publicly responded, but silence, in our culture, is often the loudest rebuke. A father’s curse is not easily shaken off. It is spoken not just in words, but in wounded silences and broken lineage ties.

And let me be clear. Mukoma is not the first child to feel disappointment, frustrated, or even betrayed. Many families live with deep wounds. But there is need for restraint. We do not cleanse pain by exposing it to the sun. We cleanse pain through the rituals of healing, forgiveness, and counsel. This is often away from cameras and far from microphones.

Our parents are not perfect, but they are still our parents. And in respecting them, we respect ourselves. Mukoma failed an important test. Elders need to urgently perform the necessary rituals to cleanse him.

Prof. Egara Kabaji is a writer, educationist and researcher based at Masinde Muliro University. He is also the Vice President of the Pan African Writers Association (PAWA,) and the chancellor of Mt Kigali University, Rwanda.