Sometimes bladder... huleta blunder

A bursting bladder after holding it over five beers is not wisdom. The dying urge to empty it is one of those situations that can make a God fearing Kenyan make rush decisions leading to escalating bar bills at the local.

Take Diameter, the political analyst, who only drinks Whitecap ina toa jasho.

After Nyambu, the counter girl, has sized up Diameter up and concluded that his full bladder is blaring clarity of thought, she has the habit of creasing his sleeve in a police mark grip while begging: “Woishe....Guinness mbili tu!”
Diameter, a legendary tightwad, who mostly throws ‘helicopter rounds’ after winning in a sports bet, holds to his crotch while debating Nyambu’s proposition.

But the bursting bladder has him blurting out: “Sawa basi!” as he rushes to the matchbox size unisex urinal at Wa-Hannah’s.

The loo is only separated by a door from the drinking area meaning one can hear a user’s ablution habits.

Diameter shoots his pee at the centre of the bowl with such force that one might think a karai of water is being emptied from the fifth floor. Diameter also issues sounds like “Aaaaaahh!...Mungu wangu!!” to signal readiness to continue in a refilling expedition.

Upon his return Diameter finds that his bill has shot to Sh500 after only two minutes. Nyambu has served herself two bottles of Guinness (also called Engine Oil) and a Coke, pronounces as Cock, and which costs Sh100 on top of the Sh400 for two bottles of Engine Oil each.

All these time, Kang’ethe, who doesn’t frequent the urinal much considering his ‘Rotich’ brandy does not fill his bladder as quickly is sitting pretty. “Bladder huleta blunder” says Kang’ethe to no one in particular as sots line up for bladder emptying sessions.

The most curious pee sounds come from women though.

Nyambu: After kugonga Guinness tano she goes to the urinal where her pee shoot sounds like the long rains on corrugated iron sheet roofs.
Miss Penny: She is ‘kapienga’ in size but you might think mfereji ya Kanjo imetoboka karibu and someone unsuccessfully tried tying it with nylon!
Sister Lucy: Her peeing conjures up https://cdn.standardmedia.co.ke/images of a boat’s bow cutting through a wave in Lamu!
Karembo: She strides the bowl like a compass and issues one of those gushing efforts akin to Noah returning minus the Ark!