I've got crazy bedroom fantasies, is that weird?

My husband and I are a pretty vanilla couple in bed, but in my imagination, I'm pretty wild! [Courtesy, Freepik]

Hi Chris,

My husband and I are a pretty vanilla couple in bed, but in my imagination, I'm pretty wild! I even think about crazy sexual adventures while we're being intimate. Is that very weird? I dare not tell my husband, but I'd like to try one or two of them!

Wild Sex

Hi Wild Sex!

Everyone thinks it's weird to have sexual fantasies, but in fact they're extremely common. Though we rarely find that out because nobody ever talks about them. And almost everyone fantasises during sex, at least some of the time.

Most fantasies just involve making love to a past, present, or imaginary partner. But several other themes are also very popular. Such as sex somewhere you might get caught. Or with a stranger. Or your best friend's boyfriend. Imagining sex with your regular lover is a popular fantasy when they're not around, or with someone else when they are!

Both sexes fantasise about being irresistible. But while men tend to fantasise about their imaginary partner's enthusiasm and physique, women focus on his personality. And the sex always involves emotion, intensity, romance and commitment.

Men are more likely to imagine being in charge, while a woman is more likely to imagine something being done to her. A popular female fantasy is being spanked by a lover for some minor wrongdoing and making mad passionate love afterwards.

So don't worry about your fantasies, even the more way out ones. They definitely don't mean there's something wrong with you. They're a natural part of being human, and help us decide what's right for us. Those we feel OK about we might try out in real life. And the rest we put aside.

In fact sexual fantasies seem to be an essential part of our lives, because it's the people who have the fewest fantasies who seem to have the most sexual and relationship problems. So don't ever feel guilty about them, just have fun! And do pluck up courage to tell your husband about them. He'll definitely have some of his own to tell you about!

All the best,

Chris