'We know not who we shall vote in, we know who we shall vote out'

IEBC officials at the tallying centre at Ol Kalau Secondary School in Nyand,arua County on July 16, 2026. [David Gichuru,Standard]

Even in their estrangement, it appears Prezzo Bill Ruto and his erstwhile Deputy Rigathi Gachagua aka Riggy G still maintain an unspoken pact that both cannot be out of the country at the same time.

It’s not so much about who should be left in charge; it’s possibly to avert speculation that they might meet abroad. After all, our politics is performative, if at times too exhaustingly predictable and absurd.

So it came to pass that Prezzo Ruto’s departure for Europe this week coincided with Riggy G’s return from the United States, where he established another Wamunyoro base. I suspect Prezzo Ruto will return the favour by acquiring a ranch the size of a small European state.

In keeping with their performative politics, the two men galvanised the nation’s attention to what they characterised as monumental declarations: In the Karatina enclave of Wamunyoro, Riggy G paraded the many guests who came calling: Edwin Sifuna to Kalonzo Musyoka and Eugene Wamalwa.

The latter delivered a gift to Riggy G by way of a healthy bull, even though Eugene shouldn’t be mistaken for the Bullfighter of Ikolomani, Boni Khalwale, the Kakamega Senator.

In a recent, solemn occasion, when Boni’s wife was laid to rest, Kenyans turned the funereal gloom into sassy gossip about the Bullfighter’s compound. It wasn’t just expansive and well kept, it was littered with homes where his different spouses were set up. Many Kenyan men remarked they would not dare keep their women within hundreds of kilometres of each other!

Anyway, this is neither the time nor the place to talk about bullfighting and women, in fact, the two shouldn’t be used in the same sentence. But these are very strange times indeed, as the clock ticks towards the next General Election, only ten months away.

As Kalonzo toured Wamunyoro, Prezzo Ruto camped in his backyard of Ukambani, lampooning him for the alleged neglect of his home turf and for being short-changed by his peers. To remedy the situation, Prezzo Ruto offered to tarmac the road leading to Kalonzo’s home in Tseikuru, while goading him to join his government where he claimed Kalonzo would be treated less shabbily.

For those who thought something deeply consequential was in the offing at Wamunyoro, Riggy G & Guests emerged to declare that the opposition flagbearer would be unveiled in the fullness of time, which means different times depending on who is talking and their time-zones.

Their logic, if fraught with inconsistencies, was that the opposition are keen on re-enacting the 2002 poll victory when then presidential candidate Mwai Kibaki was not installed until nearly three months to the polls.

This is all fiction. The reason all politicians coalesced around Mwai Kibaki so late in the day was because they literally scrammed out of another stadium, the Kasarani Stadium, where they had met to await being anointed as Daniel “Toro’s” successor.

But that did not happen. Instead, Toro picked a political greenhorn and future Prezzo Kenyatta II aka UK. The rest of the team, left adrift, fled from the kisirani at Kasarani to join Kibaki at the podium at Nyayo Stadium.

That said, there are obvious benefits accruing to the opposition. The inordinate delay in naming the opposition candidate is driving Prezzo Ruto up the wall. His attacks, and they are many, are at best misguided and misdirected. He’s simply fighting shadows. If the idea is to exhaust the man before his challenger descends into the ring, then it is working fine.

A particularly effective blow in that direction has come from a song from the popular mugithi star, Muigai wa Njoroge: We know not who we shall vote in, but we know we shall vote out, he sings, rationalising and explaining this strategy of finding certainty in very uncertain times.