My husband constantly lies to me

My husband lies a lot (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris,

My husband lies to me. A lot. Mostly, his lies are well-intentioned, like not agreeing that I have put on some weight!

But it worries me. Might he be concealing important stuff? Or having an affair? What should I do?

Lying Husband

Chris says,

Hi Lying Husband!

Lots of us lie to make ourselves or others feel better. At some point, however, it is important to face reality square on. But it is hard, to tell the truth all the time.

Especially between spouses. No one cares much about how strangers behave. But your husband is special. You care what he gets up to when you are apart, and sooner or later he will fall short of your expectations and lie to cover up his tracks. Because confessing to your wife is tough. Especially if you make a scene or sulk whenever you hear something you do not like.

Couples also value their freedom and privacy. So they often lie about their true feelings for each other, the feelings they have for others and their whereabouts. And of course, lies can become much more serious. It is all too easy to miss the signs of an affair if your partner's a skilled liar. Spouses stray for lots of reasons. Maybe there are problems in the relationship, or they have found someone who treats them better. Few people intend to be unfaithful, at least not the first time. Mostly it happens when someone starts coming on to them and their emotions overwhelm them.

So it is worth working hard to prevent cheating. Try to make your relationship happier, because happy people are much less likely to wander. Try to be understanding, appreciative, positive and fun to be around. And encourage your husband to be more honest by making it easier to discuss difficult topics.

You will also be better at spotting problems if you develop an attitude of healthy disbelief. That is not the same as being endlessly suspicious. But be open to the possibility that what you are hearing is not true. Work out what it means and you will nip a lot of trouble in the bud.

All the best,

Chris