No marriage can survive a secretly gay partner

So, how would it feel to discover, after years of marriage, that the person you’ve been married to, is gay? Rather, that the love of your love is actually attracted to his fellow-men? Tough questions!

But I kid you not, this is happening out there. Gay men are marrying people’s daughters as a way of hiding themselves from the eyes of society about their sexual orientation. And it is the worst thing that can happen to a woman.

Cheating happens in marriages, and a spouse is cheating the opposite sex can be forgiven. But the realisation that a husband is the ‘woman’ in an affair, is even harder to swallow!

Marrying a woman on false pretence is like hiding a venereal disease from someone you claim you love. Because,  any mutual partnership involves and requires openness and sharing of anything, however hard or weird. So why would a man deprive a woman of such important information that she needs to make a fully informed decision about whether or not to settle down with him?

Straight women who unknowingly got or get married to gay men are suffering in silence. The deal here is for the man to marry a woman, whom he’d use to hide his questionable sexuality and be accepted in society as a family man, yet he is busy drilling fellow men or, literally,  being drilled.

It emotionally and sexually starves a woman because such men don’t give them the attention and affection they need and are mostly not sexually attracted to them. We haven’t even mentioned the recurring infections and the walk of shame to see their obstetricians for treatment. 

Some men open up to their wives after years of living in denial, while in other cases, the woman just suspects then finds out that her gut instincts were not playing a trick on them. Yaani, you decide to snoop into baba Jay’s phone to find out who is this woman who has made her lose interest in you that much, only to stumble onto his intimate conversations with other men or men! Halafu maybe the other man is also married! 

I wouldn’t imagine the painful grief, despair and shock on a woman realising that the love of her life, father to their five bundles of joy have emotional and sexual attraction, and attachments with other men.

With the fear of encountering social disapproval and because of the unwritten societal approvals, some sink into depression because sasa how would one even start telling their family, church and friends that their husband of seven years is gay? That she has contracted STIs because her husband chews SIM twos out there?

Worse is when the cosmetic marriage bore children. It is psychologically dislocating for a kid to learn that their parents are homosexual. It is one thing for a spouse, or kids to know that their parent has an entanglement with a person of the opposite gender, but what happens when the parent is said to be ‘in love with a person of the same gender? The stigma and mockery such kids would get from their peers is disheartening just.

See, your sexuality is a big part of who you are. You can’t lie to someone you are supposedly committing for life about something so huge and essential like your sexual orientation, however selfish you can be. Well, I don’t know why I find it so wrong and gross on every level.

If such a marriage is or was on mutual agreement and transparency, and the woman agrees to go ahead and marry a man who is gay, then that’s her choice. So, allow her to make that choice on her own. 

Gay people should marry fellow gays and live happily ever after. They should have the freedom to have a ‘family’ that is not based on lies and pretence, like hiding in a straight marriage only to hurt the people they hide under. Straight people should also have families based on complete truth and openness on such sensitive issues and sexual orientation. Everyone deserves happiness.

So, Obadiah, don’t deny someone’s daughter the happiness she deserves by committing to her when you know pretty well that your attraction and orientation is otherwise.

Everything comes out eventually, and every deceptive foundation has an expiry date.

A straight marriage can’t, won’t survive a gay spouse. Simple.

 

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