The art of saying no: Closing doors to protect your peace

We’ve all experienced that subtle, unsettling moment; a comment from a stranger, a colleague's persistent request, or a friend unknowingly overstepping. These instances, though seemingly minor, can accumulate over time, eroding our inner calm. That's when the word “no” becomes more than a refusal, it becomes a sanctuary, a deliberate choice to safeguard your emotional space. In a world that often equates agreeability with kindness, learning to say “no” is an act of self-empowerment, allowing you to reclaim control over your energy and well-being.

To delve into this, I reflected with Dr. Purity Gathoni, a psychologist based in Nairobi, and spoke with Faith Makena, whose journey toward boundary-setting reclaimed her peace. Their perspectives highlight how setting limits isn't about isolation but about fostering genuine connections and inner harmony.

Dr. Gathoni emphasizes that protecting peace isn't always about halting overt conflict, often, it's about preserving your internal calm. “When a request unsettles you, even subtly, it's signaling that something must change,” she explained. “Saying ‘no’ in those moments isn't disruptive. It's reclaiming space for clarity and peace.”

Boundaries and refusal are not rebellion; they are intentional acts to preserve your inner balance. Dr. Gathoni describes how everyday intrusions, such as a stranger's whistle on the street or a colleague's unending demands, can feel like invasions. “These aren't just annoyances; they're violations of your personal space,” she said. “Ignoring them builds resentment and exhaustion, but a firm ‘no’ or even a polite deflection like ‘I'm not available right now,’ restores equilibrium.”

Real-life change came to Faith through small shifts. She had spent years saying yes in hopes of kindness and acceptance; agreeing to extra shifts, social plans she didn’t want, or ignoring comments that made her uncomfortable. “I thought being agreeable made me kind,” she reflects, “but inside, I was drifting, anxious, and disconnected.” The constant yielding left her depleted; days filled with worry, a nagging sense of resentment toward others, and a disconnection from her own needs. “I felt like I was living for everyone else, with no room for myself,” she added.

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Her breakthrough began with guarded but firm refusals. It started with the simplest: declining a last-minute task at work. “I was nervous,” Faith admits. “But afterward, I felt as though the rush faded, and I could finally breathe.” Over time, these small boundaries built a foundation of peace and a sense of connection with herself that had long been missing.

Dr. Gathoni reminds us that saying no isn't turning away from others, it’s opening a door to peace. “Saying ‘no’ doesn’t diminish your empathy; it sustains it,” she insisted. “You can’t pour from an empty cup. Boundaries ensure you have something left to give.” By creating emotional space, you don’t become distant, you become grounded, allowing more fulfilling engagement with the world around you. This shift can transform how you interact: instead of obligatory yeses that breed burnout, you offer authentic presence rooted in mutual respect.

By setting boundaries, you experience less emotional exhaustion, a more genuine presence, and richer relationships grounded in respect rather than duty. Protecting your energy allows you to fully engage in what truly matters, whether pursuing passions, strengthening meaningful connections, or embracing moments of quiet solitude.

Dr. Gathoni points out that this practice also benefits those around you. “People learn to value your time when you do,” she said. “It sets a healthy example and invites reciprocity.”