We are living in the most connected era in history. Take an imaginary look at our cities. From above, the evening skyline pulses with light as messages, notifications, and streams of data race between cell towers. Every apartment has a window lit up as antennas buzz with signals.
Now imagine the streets below. They are quiet. No socialising. No human networking. Everyone is inside, buried in the blue light of their small screens for hours on end. And not just the streets. Inside the same apartment, an entire family clutches their phones with fingers tapping occasionally and scrolling the seamless flow of short videos. A member lets out a chuckle, but nobody bothers to check out what could be funny.
Welcome to the era of “megaconnections”, where one can acquire thousands of “friends” at the touch of a button and yet feel unconnected to them all, where people “like” one’s online posts, comments or photos and still feel alone and unloved.
Writing in Psychology Today, Darren J. Edwards, an Associate Professor at Swansea University, says social media can artificially boost people’s sense of self-esteem, though this cannot be sustained in the long run. On the other hand, he says those who constantly follow other people’s lives online may soon develop feelings of envy, inadequacy and get disconnected from the real world.
“Social media offers endless opportunities for connection. We can scroll through friends’ updates, like photos, and share pieces of our lives instantly. Yet these platforms are often designed to maximise engagement, not to foster genuine intimacy or connection. Interactions are typically brief, performative, and anchored in image rather than substance,” states Edwards.
Research shows that despite such virtual connections, people are today lonelier than they have ever been. One such research entitled “Social Relationships and Mortality Risk: A Meta-analytic Review” links a person’s physical networks to his health outcomes, adding that, to a large extent, the quality of one’s societal connections has been linked not only to improved mental health but to physical morbidity and mortality.
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“Data across 308,849 individuals, followed for an average of 7.5 years, indicate that individuals with adequate social relationships have a 50 per cent greater likelihood of survival compared to those with poor or insufficient social relationships,” the research says. “The magnitude of this effect is comparable with quitting smoking and it exceeds many well-known risk factors for mortality (e.g., obesity, physical inactivity).”
If in-person connections have the power to improve one’s life, why then are so many people disconnected?
Agnes*, an office assistant in Nairobi, is shy by nature and has difficulties conversing for long. As such, she prefers to chat with her friends online rather than arrange for long, in-person meetings that she says end up draining her emotionally.
“I really love those who can handle in-person interactions,” she says. “But I see nothing wrong in chatting online. In any case, these are my real friends and not meeting them in person does not mean that I love them less. It’s just my personal preference.”
“Does that not make you lonely?” I ask.
“It does, but then there are also many people who meet every other day but still feel lonely afterwards. People have their own lives and will not stop to take care of your emotional needs,” says Agnes.
Jane Wambui, a receptionist, says scrolling online and watching the endless stream of short videos makes her laugh, something she says may not be the case in all social gatherings with friends. She says one can spend time with a person in social settings and still feel disconnected.
“I am very selective in who I spend my time with and will only engage when it is mutually beneficial,” she says. “Some people have poor communication skills and can really waste your time that you could have used for other meaningful activities.”
But, Wambui says, overreliance on online ‘companionship’ has its drawbacks, including the decline in communication skills. She says it is common to go to a restaurant only to find a dating couple deeply engrossed in their phones, “yet they are supposed to be getting to know each other better and planning their future together”.
A local psychologist who declined to be named as she handles sensitive cases says many people do not see such endless reliance on social media as an addiction. “If someone cannot go for even five minutes without scrolling on their phone or gets irritated when the charge or internet connection fails, that person has an addiction,” she says.
She says such addiction affects the part of the brain that controls pleasure, making the body crave more “feeds” to the detriment of their physical and emotional wellbeing.
“One must be determined to reduce such habits. They cannot go away on their own. Sometimes we advise someone to give the phone to someone else for safekeeping as they engage in something physical, such as walking, reading or talking. Unfortunately, some develop withdrawal symptoms including depression and constant irritation,” she says.
In the end, the endless feeds, scrolls and emojis offer only the illusion of companionship, devoid of any presence or the warmth of trust from human interactions. “Start by building relationships that exist beyond the screen,” the psychologist advises. In short, step outside the digital city and walk the streets with your friends.