Women often find themselves under pressure, trying to balance work deadlines, family duties and social expectations. They’re expected to be everything to everyone: strong yet soft; professional yet approachable.
The quiet expectation to maintain a spotless home, raise thriving children and keep an inbox free of emails while smiling can feel overwhelming. When these high expectations aren’t met, many women internalise the disappointment, believing they have failed. This can lead to a cycle of guilt, harsh self-criticism and burnout.
Fueled by fear of failure and a need for external validation, perfectionism becomes intertwined with unrelenting standards in all areas of life.
This relentless pursuit of perfection often causes women to lose touch with their passions, their true selves and their meaningful relationships. Instead of joy, they experience stress and self-doubt.
Research consistently links perfectionism to anxiety and burnout, describing it as a trap of impossible expectations that no one can sustain.
Embracing one’s full, imperfect self and letting go of perfection can be transformative. Beneath that perfect façade, immense power lies in being messy, flawed, human and real.
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Releasing unrealistic standards creates space for genuine joy, allowing us to rediscover our passions, deepen our connections and prioritise self-care.
According to psychologist Lisa Muthoni, it is possible to move away from perfectionism towards self-acceptance in a compassionate way. It is a path that can be woven into daily life.
She encourages cultivating self-compassion first. Treat yourself and your mistakes with the same warmth and understanding that you would extend to a dear friend. If you miss a deadline or burn dinner, for example, pause, acknowledge the mistake without harsh judgment and remind yourself that mistakes are part of being human.
Next, start changing the way you talk to yourself. Perfectionism thrives on relentless self-criticism. When thoughts such as ‘I’m not enough’ or ‘I should have done better’ arise, question them. Over time, this practice can help you to see yourself more empathetically and clearly.
Then, actively recognise your unique strengths. Perfectionism clouds our appreciation of our talents while magnifying perceived flaws.
Celebrate every achievement, no matter how small, perhaps by keeping a daily journal in which you note three things you’re proud of. This simple habit redirects your focus from deficiency to capability.
When you make a mistake, embrace it as an opportunity to learn rather than as a failure. Ask yourself, ‘What can I learn from this?’ For instance, if a recipe doesn’t turn out as expected, view it as an opportunity to refine your approach. This will shift your mindset from striving for flawless performance to embracing ongoing growth.
Another powerful remedy is to share your imperfections. Talk openly to a trusted friend or family member about your struggles. You will often find that you receive deep empathy and solidarity in return.
Finally, practise mindfulness. Find joy in the process rather than fixating on the outcome. Perfectionism robs everyday moments of their richness. Whether you are cooking, working, caring for others or resting, be fully engaged and don’t judge yourself. Your home may not be immaculate, but if it’s warm and loving, that’s meaningful enough.