Hi Chris,
My marriage feels really rough right now, while all my friends seem so happy. So I’m wondering whether we’re one of the couples who won’t make it.
Am I right to worry?
Scared
Most relationships go through rough patches, so don’t be tempted to compare your relationship to anyone else’s. Your relationship’s probably doing better than you think.
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Because there are always problems, but so long as you’re caring, kind and supportive, then things will be fine. Committed relationships aren’t only about romance; they’re mostly about figuring out how to work through the hard times.
So you’re doing fine if you can still laugh a lot together. Maybe not as passionate as you once were, but those inside jokes show that deep down you’re good together. Especially if you’re still loving and considerate towards one another, and care for each other.
Couples also always consist of two very different people, because we’re attracted to people with different personalities. So you’re doing fine if you’re learning to build on each other’s strengths, resist criticising each other, and are learning to enjoy your differences.
You’re also bound to get on each other’s nerves from time to time. But that’s not the end of the world. What matters is how you deal with the annoyances. You’re OK if you’re learning to let the little things go, and to concentrate on building your love and commitment.
There’s also never an exact 50-50 split of responsibilities in a marriage. There’ll be times when one of you is giving more, and then it goes the other way.
Life’s busy, so you’ll also have to schedule your time together. And pay attention if one of you is forever working late or socialising without the other.
There should be no secrets between you, so there’s work to do if you can’t open up to each other.
You’re fine if you support each other in public. Don’t endlessly keep track of each other’s mistakes. Have learned to forgive. And there aren’t any lingering issues that can’t be resolved.
So stop worrying, you’ll make it!
All the best,
Chris