Do you know your woman’s love language? (Photo: iStock)

At whatever level a man comes into the life of a woman, there are the basics that he should be aware of. He needs to understand that sometimes his efforts may mean little to the woman. What matters is whether the woman receiving the efforts appreciates them.

Men usually have so much to offer if they find the right woman. Love, relationships and friendships require effort. The measuring scale of these efforts is always on the receiver’s side.

Some women ask for a lot while others are contented with what is offered, no matter how small or big. Some women are more into how and where the effort is directed and not the amount of effort.

But what is it that women want? 

Thoughtful and practical gifts come up for many.

Mercy a 25-year-old teacher always got gifts from her boyfriend. She was happy with the phones, the bags and the jewellery she received.


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However, the day he paid for a trip for her to go and rest, was the highlight. She needed the quality time and the rest. 

“I felt like telling him, but it seemed rude and I did not want to look unappreciative. I have given away many gifts from him because I do not like them. I did not know that by telling him I would save him the pain of seeing me give away his gifts,” she says.

They also want men to realise that all women are not the same. Women also love different things. A man should go the extra mile and even be more creative when providing what she loves.

Cathy a 29-year-old lawyer says, “I wish my husband would come home and pamper me with service once in a while rather than filling up the vases just because his friends and friend’s wife have mentioned flowers enough times. Google is also not helping.”

She says she has explained so many times to her husband that he thinks she is unappreciative.

A foot massage goes a long way because it combines all the love languages, provided you don’t say anything negative about the legs no matter how bad the pedicure is.

What else ticks the right boxes? 


Women are fragile and they like it when treated soft. Men settle a little faster and this only reflects more when they are in marriage.

Constant effort is often appreciated since it makes things new all the time. Women hate reminding men when things are drifting. They hope that they will know what to do or at least show an effort when it is corrected.

There is a lot that comes with opening the car, helping with a jacket when it gets cold, calling and texting without being reminded, and being unpredictable. Being a gentleman is a requirement that women do not take for granted. Men should know women hate sharing. They prefer being special and feeling special.

Being random and unpredictable is the best way to show that you have spent time thinking about your next move. Men should never settle for the satisfaction that they already have a woman.

Sometimes men do things just to avoid conflict and women know this. Every woman would want a man who is happy serving and not behave as though it is slavery to make a woman happy. This is because if it is not genuine it stops as soon as the goal is achieved and that is the beginning of trouble.

When loved right they multiply and things get easy. Men should know the difference and always learn cues at all times.


Women often speak and listen while men talk and hear. Speaking and listening involves internalising and analysing the issues before they are said and implemented.

Women internalise and before they speak about something; they take time to think about it. 

In other areas, women know what they want and they expect the man to be aware of it even when they have not communicated that to him.

Putting in the effort to quietly figure out where her heart and mind are at is a big plus. 

Women appreciate sensitive men who are not embarrassed to share their feelings and weak moments. It is okay for a man to be vulnerable.

Women understand that men are also human beings and are allowed to be frustrated and have issues.