Jenipher Oduor, a tax manager and mother of two says that every mother has a story about mum shaming in one form or the other.
"I have two boys and I have experienced mum shaming in three ways: body shaming, my status as a single mother, and shaming because I intentionally make time for 'me time'. After I had one of my sons, I had diastasis recti. This is where your belly sticks out because the space between your left and right belly muscles has widened as a result of pregnancy. People who do not know any better would comment that my body had changed and a good number were men. It was hurtful and cruel," she says.
"Also, my eldest son was born chubby, and some people felt it was their business to point out that I was not feeding him correctly. Some people even made suggestions on the foods that I should feed him. People should stop giving unsolicited advice because it is often cruel. You do not know what someone is going through and the impact your words will have on them."
Jenipher says she does not understand why some people are offended when a mother makes time for 'me time'.
"I love exercise. I love the gym, running, and hiking. I am a fitness enthusiast. It bothers some people that I can go for a hike despite being a mother. This mum shaming completely confuses me because why are some people mad about how others spend their time? When I am fit, I am happy emotionally, mentally, and physically, which means I am a better mother. Fitness is a priority and so I have intentionally created a life where I can exercise and still have quality time with my boys," she says.
When it comes to being a single mother, Jenipher says she does not allow people's opinions to get to her. "This is where I am, I will not hide or cower. I love my boys and being a mother," she says.
Jenipher says you should not take people's negative views about your choices when it comes to being a mother or when playing another role to heart.
"A lot of times people who are openly mean and cruel in the name of giving advice are often projecting their pain, and insecurities onto you. It is never about you. Live your life and be the best mother you can be, but also do not forget to feed the individual. Also, understand the season you are in; be kind and gracious to yourself, and ask for help where necessary."
The blogger (Facebook page: Marriage Chronicles by John & Mary Munene) says mum shaming touches on everything.
"Those remarks are always marked with undertones of disapproval. For instance, a mother can be criticised for choosing to be a stay-at-home mum instead of being a career woman; or for choosing to use a bottle instead of breastfeeding. It can get so petty that choosing a particular type of diaper instead of another can cause a mum a backlash. It can encompass choices about parenting, education, diet, and screen time," she says.
Mary says mum-shaming is often done through in-person conversations and on social media, especially on Facebook and WhatsApp.
"I have been a victim of mum shaming for choosing to co-sleep our child. I happened to share my experience with a particular group and the remarks were captious. How could co-sleeping be that evil?" she poses.
She adds, "Who decides that this is good for a child and this isn't? Do choices matter? I believe that choices matter but to the degree that they affect the character and development of the child. It is that simple. For instance, if one mother chooses a cloth diaper for her child, and another, disposable diapers, does that choice affect the child's development or character? The answer is a resounding no."
Mary believes the right actions done for the wrong reason cannot build virtues. She says character is everything in a child's life, and that every parent should have space to groom their children "how best they think they should, to birth a child with impeccable character."
"At the end of the day, if a diaper affects a child's character, by all means, address it. If screen time affects their growth and development, by all means, address it. We should be more judicious and less fussy about passing externalities. This is where I refer to the Good Book, about everything is permissible but not all is beneficial," she says.
Mary says mothers should be happy for each other since their goal is to have wholesome families.
"Find joy when a fellow mother's flower blooms with a different shade. Femininity and motherhood are all about inviting and nurturing in and out into the world. It is a world of sensitivity and nourishment. Instructions should benefit the other, not tear down. Keep the vision in scope, and the choices made will align with it," she says.