Complex world of women's desires, their conflicted needs (Photo: iStock)

Women often find themselves grappling with conflicting desires, and it's not always easy to define their needs.

We are complex beings, driven by insecurities and deep-seated fears that even we struggle to comprehend. On one hand, we yearn for tall, dark, and handsome men in our lives and bedrooms. We envision them as the ideal partners to father beautiful children of exceptional lineage, offspring we can proudly display during clinic visits or outings at places like KFC and Java, where elite families congregate.

Curiously, it's rare to spot less-than-adorable children indulging in pizza at CJ's in places like Valley Drive and Karen. This may be because educated, progressive women have become adept at selecting the finest genetic material for the business of procreation.

The prevalence of less attractive individuals in modest and lower-class communities might be attributed to a different dynamic. Women in these areas may be more inclined to rely on any available partner for survival. Perhaps this is the way nature intended it.

Nature, in its wisdom, wired women to depend on men to ensure women made certain decisions on their choice of partners, driven more by necessity than ignorance. It's a mechanism that allows even less conventionally attractive men the opportunity to pass on their genetic legacy.

However, regardless of whether our partners are conventionally attractive or not, our insecurities often align in the end. It's a universal desire to want to have a committed and lasting hold on a man, and the reasons can vary widely.

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Some women seek this for financial security, while others crave exciting and passionate relationships. And then there are those who aim to ensure the propagation of quality genetic material. The nature of our desires is often shaped by our positions within the hierarchy of dependency.

Interestingly, it's not just about having handsome men in our lives; we often prefer that they lose their handsomeness and attractiveness once they are in our committed relationships.

Likewise, women who choose to be with less conventionally attractive men may secretly hope that their partners deteriorate further, reducing the likelihood of competition from other females who might be interested in their provider capabilities. This might help explain why some men undergo changes in their physical appearance after marriage, often gaining weight and losing their fitness. It's because we ensure they are well-fed to the point of obesity and are denied opportunities to exercise and stay in shape.

In some extreme cases, our obsessive insecurities may lead us to encourage them to remain unkempt and dress shoddily, especially when they're at work or in situations where they might interact with women of potential interest.

Oddly enough, once our partners have let themselves go, become out of shape, and are in poor health, we often find ourselves yearning for fitter men. We start scouring dating sites, using pseudonymous accounts to admire well-toned individuals who are not ours.