The most important thing to know is just how much a man's life is dominated by the need to win [Courtesy, Freepik]

Hi Chris,

I have gradually realised that I do not understand how my boyfriends see things. Which is probably why we always seem to fall out so soon. So what's going on in my boyfriend's head?

Incomprehensible Boyfriends

Hi Incomprehensible Boyfriends!

The most important thing to know is just how much a man's life is dominated by the need to win. Especially in the world of men. Okay, I am sure you are competitive and want to be a success at work, but it is still hard for any woman to understand just how important winning is to a man.

Ultimately, that is because women are only interested in successful men! Think how you find yourself drawn towards a man who is respected by his male peers. Who is succeeding socially, and developing a solid career? And men instinctively know that, so they compete like crazy.


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It is also why men are so reluctant to admit any sort of weakness. So whenever your boyfriend has a problem, he'll always want to go off quietly and think it over first. And he'll hate it if you wake him up at 3 am with a problem and insist on discussing everything right then and there!

Men also use more direct language than women, so women's politer style of language just goes over your boyfriend's head. Want him to do something? Tell him precisely what you want!

He also values his independence far more than you do. And that need for independence also means that he only really thinks about getting married at one point in his life. Usually just a few years after he is started work and feels established in his career.

Much earlier and he will say he is not ready. Much later and he is unconsciously heading towards becoming a permanent bachelor. So do not assume that a boyfriend is thinking about marriage just because you are. You also have to get the timing right.

So your boyfriends are not as incomprehensible as they seem. Just concentrate on understanding how they see the world, and you won't have nearly so many surprises! And much more fun.

All the best,