How to get out of the friendzone (Photo: iStock)

You've probably been in a friendzone for so long that you don't know whether to accept it can't go beyond that or try one more time and see if she'll fall for you.

A friendzone simply is a situationship where a person is accepted and kept as a friend, not as a lover. Men rarely friendzone women. But women have a bunch of men in this basket! It leaves one with the hope that one day, they'd wake up to a love message.

This is a toxic zone . It's the murky middle ground between being platonic and being romantic. One isn't always sure if the glass is half empty, or half full. So when a woman, mostly, says they just want to be friends with you, it is a polite rejection.

Now, as a new year rolls into view, is the time to get your desperate self out of the friendzone. What men need to understand is that if a woman does not find you sexually attractive and desirable, she will keep you in the friendzone for years, sometimes throwing in mixed signals so you have hope that you're almost getting to win her heart.

You'll agree that a man rarely benefits from such a friendship. It's the woman who does, 99 per cent of the time. She will be there receiving favours and gifts while she gives nothing in return. Often, she wouldn't want to let you go because of free non-sexual attention, movies, free food, booze and those small small cash favours of Sh2,700 to refill a gas cylinder and Sh1,650 for braids, that the man wouldn't mind giving her. Si she's that friend?

A woman's idea of the friend zone is to have someone of the opposite gender whom she doesn't want to be with intimately but doesn't want to be away from either! Like, dude, we can't do this - just stay here as I go get banged elsewhere, I'll be back. Typical of naenda hivi na-come.


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So he will keep on arranging and paying for dates and movies using his hard earned cash on endless dinner dates that yield nothing. What we should know is that if girl can't imagine herself naked with you, if she can't picture your lips on hers, or your hands around her wasp waist, it's game over! And you can't really do anything about it. You can only curse, but you'll come off crazy or worse, creepy, and that will for sure end things. Even the friendship.

Boaz, if you're in such a situation, understand that what's good for you can never be good for her, and that's normal. So just go out there, find the right girl for you, or stay friendzoned till Kingdom come. Well, she might pity your clueless self and give in, but this only happens if and when she has some mutual feeling as well. Even if you beg the 'why can't we now be more than just friends?' question, you won't help. No matter how smart, monied or handsome you are, if she isn't into you, she isn't.

You have wasted the whole year or half of it in a one sided arrangement, playing friend with benefits in a dilemma kinda situation, just because you're a gentleman and those ones treat girls well well. Later on when she gets tired of shit and ghosts you, it can be frustrating. A woman doesn't need to be convinced to consider having sex with a man. It not science. It's not a riddle. If she doesn't want, that is just it.

Regardless of whether or not a woman is married, hooked up or exclusively dating, there is always that one, or two men in her friend zone basket who is, are just a phone call away should she need to fix something or get emotional breakdown. Some lucky Kevo would get the chance to chew things while the unlucky ones will only offer the shoulder to lean and cry on, when the main relationship becomes shaky.

False hopes will keep a man glued, often distracted by a few unexpected tight hugs, pity sexual offers and a pair of grey socks because she saw you wore a torn sock last time she visited. If 'using a man' was to be translated into some zones, then this defines it perfectly well!

Bruh, this new year don't waste your precious time and hard earned cash trying to please a woman who has friendzoned you, the worst zone ever a man can be fixed in. If the friendship is not mutual, drop it and open yourself to women who are available for you.

Just don't get caught or stuck in the friend zone trap forever like a spider. Have some hard balls, grow a backbone.

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