Sex drought has badly hit the marriage institution among the young and old (Photo: iStock)

In any healthy relationship of persons of the opposite gender or whichever orientation, sex is mostly what binds the parties. This is the time that the lovers rekindle the initial infancy days of the relationship and could also be a way of forgiveness and solving issues bedevilling the union.

Sex was actually God's idea of expressing love and affection with a bonus of kids as bundles in a marriage. Yet, it remains the greatest source of frustration among married couples. Sex drought has badly hit the marriage institution among both the young and the old.

Men are usually the victims of this drought right inside their matrimonial beds with women withholding conjugal rights. It has become more like power play - she controls when to have and when not to, how and why.

If something happens between them and it's the man's fault, she withholds. No, she can't give up when she's upset. Or he's just not in the mood, tomorrow she'll be effing tired from the board meetings, next week the kids will be home on holiday and ooh, mama got a lot to do than just have sex. Sooner than later, it's three long months and there is no intimacy in the house!


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It's true, a woman's responsibilities increase when she gets married and has children. See, where I come from, we've been told that the husband is a woman's baby number one.

It can be exhausting to babysit a whole grown-up when you have other little humans literally crying for your attention. One has CBC homework where you need to make a scarecrow to be taken to school the following day.

Another one's silence in the bedroom translates to smearing themselves with body lotions, and shoe polish and scattering your tampons all over the place! Then there's this helpless one on the potty whose tiny butt needs to be wiped and she's seated there waiting.

In all honesty, with all the above, we at least would understand when a woman's sex drive declines over the years. On a few days when she literally gives in, it's done out of obligation, thoughtless duty or fear of losing their partner to some crazy woman out there who would give like her life depends on it!

Marriage is nowadays more like a trial App, where people get together for family, the church and the public. It's rarely about love and companionship because even the 'two shall become one' is said for the sake of the witnesses.

The happily ever after and till death do us part has greatly been replaced by 'till sex do us part. Sex in marriage is selfish, it's about one's interests - if one doesn't get it, they forget about it and goes out there to be served as they want.

Inconsistent and infrequent sex in marriage may be brought about by a number of factors, especially in the current 21st-century life. It's honestly a murky cocktail of exhaustion - hitting targets and beating deadlines, traffic, hard economic times, health conditions, alcohol, depression, ungrateful kids, the list is endless.

Where will a couple even get time and energy for a steamy night after 12 hours in the office and another five on the crazy traffic, then getting home to an unromantic spouse and three minutes twa twa?

But again, have married guys tried bringing back the spark you once had during dating? Sex is more like painting. Rhythmically playing with colours and techniques with a lot of creativity every other day and you can never experience a drought.

Break the monotony, normal is boring. How do you 'borrow' sex? Because something borrowed can as well be denied. How about we initiate this whole act of loving and being loved back?

Until spouses stop having obligatory and unfulfilling sex or no sex at all, we will still have this debate in decades to come. Until the narrative changes and 'two become one' gets back its meaning, there will always be givers and takers of sex, denials, dry spells and two horny humans on king-size matrimonial beds.

We were having a discussion about sex among married couples and one married man said; (sic) if a couple was to put a bean (no pun) in a jug every time they had sex in their first year of marriage, then take out a bean every time they did it thereafter (after a year or two), that jug will never be empty!

Me when I get married, someday, I swear the dates and holidays, tipsy and horny weekends away should be a guarantee.

We shall forget the kids back in the house, go out of town, get high on weed and liquor then chew each other like hungry bunnies and have multiple toe-curling orgasms! Sex is a right and any right thinking human, with a healthy mind and body, must enjoy it, at any age.

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