Hi Chris,
I always imagined that I would quickly meet the man of my dreams, and we would never part. But instead, I have ended up kissing a whole lot of frogs.
And so I have also said a lot of good-byes. Some at the first hint of trouble, others after hoping things will get better for far too long. But how does anyone tell when it is time to part?
And what should I do if I think he is the one thinking about leaving? And either way, how can I break up better, if that is how things are going?
Break Ups
Chris says,
Hi Break Ups!
Stick with a man who gets on well with his family, is responsible, trustworthy, emotionally intimate, listens to you, and is open to commitment. And you love him, of course!
Start planning a break-up if you never get enough attention, or he hurts you, or you keep hearing bad stories about him, or he has a history of awful relationships.
Especially if he is forever talking about an ex, keeps cancelling or forgetting dates, and sends mixed signals. One minute you are great, the next you are a nobody.
Give up sooner if you cannot fix a lack of trust, affection, or intimacy.
And get out right now if you are being mentally or physically abused, feel used or foolish; he is cheating or keeping secrets. Or forever blaming or criticising you, often angry, reluctant to commit, pushy, controlling, or obsessive about anything.
If you are wondering whether you are the one getting dumped, then your instincts are probably right.
Confirmation? Watch for signs that he is becoming less affectionate, does not return your phone calls, makes endless excuses about why you cannot get together, talks about ‘me’ instead of ‘we,’ ignores intimate remarks, and won’t make plans.
He is probably also quietly removing all his stuff from your house! See anything like that and it is worth asking a few blunt questions. But regardless of the answers, start remaking friendships, especially with people who do not know him.
Start going to your special restaurants and the like with them, so you stop associating those places with being a couple. And when the end comes, just accept the situation and move on.
But if you are the one doing the dumping, at least do it kindly.
Like don’t break up over the phone or text, just don’t! Or just before a public holiday or any day important to your ex, like a birthday or anniversary.
Do not blame him for anything he has or has not done, be respectful, and spell out the future clearly: “We should not call each other,” so that there is no room for misunderstanding.
Breaking up is always a bad time. But once you have made up your mind, do not change it. Life is too short to cling on to someone who will ultimately disappoint you.
All the best,
Chris