Hi Chris,
My whole life has been a whole string of bad experiences. My parents were never around, and forever arguing when they were, so my childhood wasn’t anything to celebrate.
And all through my 20s and early 30s, a whole load of friends and work colleagues have let me down. Somehow there’s a pattern in all that isn’t there?
And I find myself wondering whether it’s going to go on forever, so I’ll never become the person I want to be. Is it possible to throw off the effects of my past, and move on?
Unhappy Past
Chris says,
Hi Unhappy Past!
An unhappy past can hold you back, but it doesn’t have to. Because in the end you choose how your life so far affects your future.
For example, your subconscious prefers situations similar to how you felt as a child. But once you realise that’s happening, you can change direction.
So recognise how your parents were and forgive them. Then you can start choosing a life that’s right for you, and not yet another flashback of your childhood.
Think through your more recent experiences. Make a list of all the bad things that keep happening, and try to figure out why.
Do you see any connections between your problems and your childhood? Once you can see the connections, you can start to think about how you would like things to be instead. Instead of just accepting things the way they always seem to turn out.
The best way to change is to start ‘acting’ the way you want things to happen. And to expect people to behave towards you the way you want. It’ll feel really odd to begin with, like you’re an actress in a spectacularly bad TV series! But it works.
Soon you’ll notice that your new role feels natural. A bit like how you gradually play a piece of music better as you practice.
And your friends and colleagues will start treating you as if you actually are this new person. In fact, that’s what you’ve become! And then things will start working out the way you deserve.
Avoid slipping back into bad habits by seeing people as they really are, not as you’d like them to be. Be assertive and spell out your needs, so there are no misunderstandings.
Listen to your instincts, and if a situation isn’t what you’re hoping for, work out why. If you can’t find any evidence to back up your intuitions, maybe you’re a little paranoid! But if you do, talk to the people concerned about your feelings.
If that doesn’t improve things, bail out! Above all, firmly decide to approach life with the expectation that things will go well. And before long they always will!
All the best,
Chris