Maybe you set your heart on your child attending a particular school (perhaps one that has a reputation for academic or sporting excellence). Maybe you enrolled them as soon as they were born. But is this emphasis right for your child?
Are there skills or supports your child needs?
Once you've identified the aspect(s) of school that are presenting challenges for your child, think about whether there are skills they can be helped to develop to manage these more effectively.
This might include learning how to manage frustration when things don't go their way, or how to respond assertively, rather than being aggressive when they are challenged,.
There might be supports that can be put in place by the school to help, such as extra learning support. Speak to your child's teacher if you are concerned they might be being picked on and see if you can work collaboratively to address the problem.
Is changing schools going to help?
Once you feel like you understand your child's challenges at school, it's important to ask yourself: "how likely is it that their specific situation is going to be improved by changing schools?"
Keep in mind too the message you may be unintentionally communicating to your child by changing schools - we want to avoid reinforcing avoidance of anxiety-provoking situations that are manageable with the right support.
Also keep in mind that, apart from home, school is the place that children spend the most time. This means that it is likely that sometimes, children's distress at school is influenced by factors that aren't necessarily caused by school.
This could include mental health issues that are not specifically related to school or worries about the family's financial situation.
Sometimes, despite everyone's best intentions and efforts, there might come a point where it's time to acknowledge a challenging situation at school is not changing. And a child's mental health and wellbeing is being negatively impacted. If this is the case, a fresh start at a new school may be the best option.
One way to explain it to your child could be to say something like; "I believe in you. With your teachers, we've tried our best, but this school isn't the best fit for you and now it's time for a fresh start."
Leaving one school for another one doesn't represent a failure. Rather, it represents a change in direction based on the available information.
-The authors are Vanessa Cobham, Professor of Clinical Psychology, and Julie Hodges, Post doctoral research fellow, The University of Queensland, Australia. This article was first published in The Conversation.