The Pity Party Drunks:
These drunks are the ultimate party poopers. They tend to be a self-absorbed lot and use liquor as an excuse to burden you with their troubles. An hour after meeting them you will be familiar with their miseries, they have a way of snuffing out fun as they always walk around with their baggage, ready to offload it on invite. You will catch them whining, cursing, bemoaning their ill luck, sorry souls the whole lot of them. Keep off their sob stories, and protect your merry, they will steal what little fun you have going.
The Clumsy Drunks:
These are the most reckless set of drunks, they have shaky fingers and wobbly knees, and their aim too is not what it used to be. Years of hard drinking have done them over. This sorry lot is as clumsy as they come, might bump into this, run into that. With this lot, items get lost, phones crack, car keys disappear, and carnages happen. They are not the most careful of drunks, to say the least. You will see them stagger home, nap on a sewerage ditch, and get swept by the storm. They should go easy on their drink but who wants to hear that in a party?
Roman Candle Drunks:
These are the real attention hogs. They want to boggle a bit of everybody's time, command the stage even. Often, they are not the most entertaining of drunks, an inflated ego is all they pack. They tend to grow louder by the hour if you indulge them in their obnoxious tendencies. I would suggest ignoring them, starving their attention frenzy to keep them in line works like a charm.
The White Boy/Girl Wasted Drunks:
This lot gives drinking an ugly name. They know no limits and care less about what is common and rational. They are bona fide wrecking balls on the roll, count on them to mess up a good time. They might arrest a cop, slap a bouncer, marry a night nurse, tease a bull- there is no shortage of stupid around them. How they get by is purely a matter of luck, each night out with them is wooing disaster, mocking calamity. Protect your peace, run away from this bunch.