Is there something I'm doing wrong? [Courtesy, Getty]

Hi Chris,

I am a woman who is determined to get to the top. I am tough, independent and successful, but somehow that does not translate into my love life. Are today's men wimps or something? Or is there something I am doing wrong?

Going Up

Hi Going Up!

We have all heard of alpha males. Sounds like you are an alpha woman! An alpha male is confident, knows what he wants and goes for it. He is full of confidence, charisma and wit, and can be devastatingly seductive. And yet he has few friends. He may look like he does, but actually, they are all sycophants.

People look up to him, but few of them ever want to get close. Though he probably hardly notices.


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An alpha woman is just the same. Ordinary women hold back from her and are curiously unconcerned if she loses her job. Because alpha women have no real friends either.

And yet she is setting the pace in the boardroom, or on her way there. She is devastatingly desirable too, but like you, her dating life is usually a nightmare!

That is basically because alpha women only want to date alpha males who are delighted to date them, of course. And they are not wimps. They are up and coming young men looking for partners whose lifestyle matches theirs. And older men looking for relationships with the most impressive achievers.

So why does that lead to trouble in your relationships? It is not because your high-powered career is intimidating them. It is because someone as smart and ambitious as you has very high expectations. And so you can easily become disappointed with your partners.

And as you start to lose respect for a partner, all the affection and passion fade away. Because desire is built up from approval and admiration. So you need to be able to look up to a partner for your relationship to stay passionate.

It is not just you. Relationships between alpha males and females are always hard work. So be prepared to ask yourself some searching questions about your expectations in future. And try to choose partners whose expectations closely match your own.

All the best,