My marriage is on the rocks. I love my wife very much but she is too friendly with men and flirts with them. She goes out with guys on weekends and says that she is just having a good time, nothing more. It stresses me so much when I hear her talking and laughing with them on her phone. She has also formed this habit of answering back "I don’t know" to every question I ask, which irritates me so much. Recently, after I could not take it any more, I sent her packing. Now I cannot get her on phone, e-mail or other means. I believe that everyone deserves another chance and I want her back but how can one live with a wife who flirts and talks to people who lust after her? I really do not know what to do and sometimes I think about suicide. Please advise me.


Your take:

Muturi, don’t commit suicide because there are many faithful women waiting for you. You did your wife a great favour to send her away. I am sure she was also calculating on how to leave you; in fact she left you the minute she started flirting with other men. That’s why she has changed her address and phone number so that there is nothing to remind her about you. She was not yours. We hope you did not have children together.

Okello Oluoch

It happens a lot in the office and I am guilty of it. Married women like to flirt and talk dirty especially to single men. It is wrong and you did not have to go along with her bad habits. Now you are acting so desperate when you look for her. The damage is already done and your marriage will never be the same again. If I were you, I would look for another wife. Otherwise, you could still look for your estranged wife and stand her stupid habits. Flirting is the easiest road to dogging in a relationship.

Lynn Kogi

I threw my wife out after some arguments but we sorted things out later. Now we are happy. Maybe you are insecure because you are alone and lonely. It takes sometime to get back to dating. The Bible tells us to forgive our brothers and sisters. Her friends can tell you where to find her. Convince her that you want her back and promise not to hurt her again.

E. Masela

Even happily married women flirt, although I think it is bad and disrespectful to their husbands. They usually just want to feel beautiful and attractive to every man that is around them. When they get insecure about being beautiful, they try to find reassurances from other people. Others do it for fun, but it hurts their partners. If a woman puts herself out to men through flirting, they will see it as a sign that she is interested in a relationship. A real woman should carry herself with respect and dignity. Men, unlike women, do not see flirting as harmless but as an invitation to sex.

Lisa Benovo

Flirting is sometimes harmless and can build a woman’s self-esteem. If a married man takes his wife for granted and another man praises her for her good features, she feels great to know she has power to attract another man. When men marry, they sometimes lose the initial interest and the urge to complement. Women have a constant need for attention, otherwise they just go out and get it.

Peter K

My Take:

Every one of us (even those who seem hardened by life) craves one thing in addition to those basic needs they taught us in primary school — appreciation. I am referring to the physical and emotional admiration from other people especially from the opposite sex.

Look around the office, neighborhood, church or bus, pick on one person of the opposite sex and tell them how well their clothes blend with their complexion. If you are a guy and the target is a woman, add that her modelling firm must be taking good care of its staff, which you gauge from the degree of confidence she naturally asserts. Watch her reaction as her "ego" flies high and she opens her mouth wide in a long laughter somewhat astonished at what she heard.

The streets are filled with many men and women craving attention, appreciation and some laughter to ease, not only the pressures of life and the harsh effects of the global credit crunch, but most importantly the increasing emotional neglect by spouses. Men are known to be more resilient on this because of the preoccupation with fending for the family, but for the women this takes a deeper toll. Admiration somehow moulds them and that is why they look forward to Sundays when they show off that nice outfit and fancy high heels.

Some months down the line in marriage, things kind of stabilise and start looking normal. You once worshiped the ground on which she walked and longed all day to look into her beautiful eyes. Now you realise that she has a long nose and indeed the secretary has more beautiful eyes. The complements decrease to alarming levels and create an emotional gap that needs to be filled time and time again. This is where it all starts.

Should married people flirt?

Flirting is quite okay for strangers and both sexes flirt for different reasons. Men flirt to break the ice, arouse some enthusiasm towards asking a woman out while the girls flirt to be teased and to have a nice time. It is the nice times that can be stretched too far. Flirting always starts innocently but more often than not takes a sexual dimension and this subconsciously leads many women into affairs.

Genuine and respectful comments should not be mistaken for flirting. However, a leopard’s spots never fade; there are people who will just never appreciate no matter how much you do for them. Muturi’s wife seemed like someone who was not content in her marriage when she sought "worldly pleasures" from others. No one in their right mind would leap with joy on hearing that their wife is out on a date with some other guy. To me she came out as disrespectful — only one way to handle such a wife; her parents. The only way to have a sober discussion with an estranged wife is when parents from both sides are present. Issues are ironed out more easily and diplomatically.

Don’t try too hard:

If she discovers that you are trying too hard, she will definitely play hard to get not considering that she was the one on the wrong. If anything, you should give her sometime to come looking for you if she valued the marriage as much as you did.

Initially flirting is harmless but it leads to dates down to the bedroom and finally divorce. Be warned.