When a friendship ends, the toll often cuts deeper than we expect. Many of these losses come suddenly, just when you had envisioned a “best friend forever,” only for the bond to unravel without warning. Unlike romantic break-ups, society rarely prepares us for the grief of losing a close friend, leaving us unsure how to process the pain.
Vincent Macharia, a therapist with a background in sociology, explains that this kind of ending is uniquely heavy. “The loss of a friend can be even more painful than a romantic split. Friendships hold a unique place in our lives, often tied to our sense of identity and belonging. When they end, grieving is not only natural but also necessary,” he says. “Allowing yourself to grieve,” he adds, “is the very first step in moving forward. Suppressing the emotions only makes them linger longer. Closure, whether through a conversation or a symbolic gesture such as writing an unsent letter, can ease that weight and help the heart let go.”
Macharia notes that reflecting on both the good times and the loss can help someone let go with peace. Gratitude softens the edges of grief, while evaluating what went wrong provides valuable insight for managing future relationships. It is less about regret than it is about clarity and growth.
Monica Kaari knows this well. Her own friendship breakup felt as sharp as any romantic one, and in her case, she carried the weight of feeling at fault for the split. “It was as hard, or maybe even worse, than a romantic break-up. The friendship had been a bright spot, and it was really tough to lose that,” she says. The suddenness made it harder still. “I tried to reach out, but I was up against a total unwillingness to resolve what seemed to be a small matter.” In the end, time and self-compassion became her allies. “I kept reminding myself that I am human, I make mistakes, but that doesn’t make me unworthy of friendship. Someone else’s unwillingness to forgive is more a reflection of them than me.”
For Macharia, this kind of resilience is the heart of recovery. Healing is not only about closing the door but also about opening new ones.