Hi Chris,
I’ve just got engaged! I thought it would never happen, so I’m not really sure what couples do during engagements, apart from arranging their wedding! Are there any things that my fiancé and I should be discussing now to ensure we have a really happy marriage?
Engaged
Chris says,
Hi Engaged!
Congratulations, I hope you’ll be very happy together! And you’re right, it’s important to use your engagement well to lay good foundations for your future together.
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Because marriage is nothing like what you see in the movies. You’ll disagree a lot, for example, because two mature individuals inevitably see important issues from different viewpoints. So one of the best things you can do during your engagement is to learn how to argue well!
Your finances are a good first topic because if both of you lay all your cards on the table before the wedding, there’s a good chance that money will never be an issue between you.
That’s because learning how to make financial decisions that stick, and to be completely honest with one another, is surprisingly easy before you actually marry, and can be astonishingly difficult afterwards for some curious reason. So make the most of your engagement!
Sit together a few times and talk through every detail of your income, expenditure, loans, investments, etc. Decide how you’re going to manage your household expenses together, how much you’ll save, and what your longer-term plans are. For example, a possible change of career, further studies, perhaps working abroad, buying a house and so on.
Do the same with all the other hot topics between couples, such as how you see your intimate life. Discuss your boundaries, especially the sorts of things that can eventually lead to infidelity, such as rowdy friends who drink heavily! Discuss your ideas on when to start a family, how to deal with your in-laws, how to manage your social lives and so on.
That might all sound a bit heavy, but it actually ends up feeling deeply romantic. And will lead to a very happy marriage indeed!!
All the best,
Chris