She probably has photo evidence and screenshots ready (Photo: iStock)

It has nothing to do with anything. It must be about some girl! Some mischief. Some wrong! And she's gathered enough evidence - photographic evidence, screenshots and everything, in PDF format. No woman says these four words when she doesn't have evidence! Absolutely no woman!

This could then precede a session with detailed and troubling confession, a very difficult and unrealistic request or an ' and who is Agatha ' kinda question, that would now send the man into a coma! These words are weighty and unpleasant to any man and can cause a sharp migraine. That no woman says 'we need to talk' then goes ahead to tell her man that she has received her chama money and now wants to buy him boxers or a pair of socks, or tells him he's such an awesome man and she will love him forever and ever amen. No woman does that!

We need to talk can only mean a woman has missed her coveted Ps out of last month's steamy sexapade. Or she's been with her kamati of girls and they have analysed your Facebook posts and noticed some randy girl who's been reacting to all your photos with love emojis.

For a man, these four words can only mean that the worst is yet to come and that he's going to get a 74 minutes-long angry lecture about how he's screwed up everything. And who knows? All his sins and transgressions from the 1940s, before he was born, could be dug up.

How they hate and fear that talking business! Eti he sits down with his woman gabbing with her, shaking and nodding his head as if he's in a meeting? Get questioned? Nah!

Also, women's conversations can go on and on and on. They will morph into side court cases that absolutely have nothing or little to do with the issue at hand. And man will have to listen, respond and agree - wapende wasipende.

Men argue that they're fixers. Like, they want to know what shit is cutting, then fix it asap and move onto the next issue. Listening, understanding, feeling, putting themselves in other people's (women's) shoes is not their jug of keg.

Say what girls? Stop opening conversations with "we need to talk". Because one day, honey, that man is going to crap in his pants, and guess who will be left to clean up the mess.