The holiday fever is on, Jingle Bells in the air, a constant reminder of the Christmas season, it’s impossible to ignore it, shops are filled with customers for their last minute shopping for foodstuff and gift items.
The media constantly reminding the listeners of the season. End of year celebrations as many prepare for holiday. As the holiday buzz sets in I am reminded of many people who do not enjoy this season citing loneliness. Many singles by choice or default say that holiday season is a lonely time.
Loneliness is a feeling of emptiness of being alone, isolated and separated from others. One may experience loneliness as emptiness, fear, pain, and sometimes feelings of intense deprivation. For some, the loneliness is triggered from missing a loved one that died, for another it may be as a result of a broken relationship while another is a deep desire to find “the one”.
This type of loneliness is related to a specific individual. However, there is the loneliness where one feels alone as a result of being out of touch with people due to physical isolation for various reasons including work related and long distance relationships being unable to reach out to loved ones.
Many times denial is the enemy to the heart of any individual. In order to stop feeling lonely, one should first accept that they are indeed experiencing feelings of loneliness. It helps to express the feelings experienced in various ways, by journaling, drawing, speaking to the mirror on the wall, or simply getting out for some recreation and speaking with other people whom you do not necessarily know.
When feelings are expressed they lead to self-discovery and growth. If for any reason intense feelings of fear, sadness, anger, and frustration are experienced, it may be helpful to hit the gym, take a long run, the good feel hormone, endorphin produced will give you a good mood and consequently good feelings, if not connect with a close friend and if they are not available do something that you greatly enjoy. Getting involved in some sort of activity helps take our minds off the self, there is less room for pity parties and feeling lonely as you get intensely involved in enjoyable activities. It can actually change our mood directly in this way. It can give us opportunities to meet people with similar interests and practice our people-meeting skills. It can provide some structure in our lives so that we have things to look forward to.
Take some time to visit the less privileged and spend some time with them. It is so powerful when reaching out to others, it serves as an opportunity for reality check, to have self-evaluation and recognise just how blessed you are. Buy a gift to someone who would never reciprocate, that way you add flavour to the season.
If you are away from loved ones, it helps to communicate with them through all possible means including Skype where you can see one another. If the loneliness is as a result of death, then it is important to express the grief. Do not leave in denial mode, it’s time to get into the closet and remove all the personal things to give away. Talk to self and cry all you need to, ask a close friend to help you with the exercise and once you are done, do make an appointment with a therapist if necessary.
Talk about the good old, happy days that you shared with your loved ones, how you spend Christmas and holidays together, purpose to visit the places that you went together and relive those moments, that way you will let go of the pain and embrace the new season.
This also applies to significant others that you could have lost along the path of life that cause you anxiety, pain and restlessness. It helps to develop a new interest, learn new skills and see the world from bigger glasses. When you stop focusing on your needs and choose to focus on others something magical happens, let go and experience it this season. Merry Christmas!
The writer is a Relationship Coach and Author, Marriage Built to Last You can reach her on; www.jenniekarina.co.ke