It’s time for children to go back to school after a two-month holiday. Don’t be surprised at your child’s whines of, “I don’t want to go to school.”
Children can be miserable in school because of social, learning or anxiety issues - and these don’t just go away. It becomes a problem if the child habitually balks at going to school or seems genuinely fearful or anxious about going to school. Once you understand what’s going on, you can help her overcome these obstacles to education.
Children, especially those in primary school, display school refusal tendencies for three main reasons.
1. They feel at risk socially - rejected, ostracised or ignored by peers. The school environment may be perceived as lonely, uncomfortable, or threatening. It is tough when you are 7 years old and you feel unaccepted and different from the other kids.
2. Those who perceive themselves as academically inferior often feel picked on or teased by other children when they make errors in class, and might see themselves as stupid because of the teasing.
3. Children who are very active, perhaps even hyperactive, can become extremely uncomfortable when expected to sit for several hours in the classroom, even with breaks for recess, lunch, and PE. These children seem to be constantly chastised by their teachers to stay in their seats, to focus on their work, or to keep their hands to themselves. So what would you do if this were your child?
Understand the reason
First, listen to your child and take her seriously and if there’s a pattern of complaints about others not liking her, check it out further. Also ask the teacher about the children your child seems to get along with.
Does she have a special friend to sit with? Does she hang around children at break time? If not, your daughter is legitimately feeling lonely. The best thing to do is encourage the teacher to pair her with another child she would like to get to know better. You can also jump-start friendships by inviting classmates home after school or on weekends.
Academic inferiority
If she refuses to go to school on account of being weak in an academic area or two- let her be assessed and be given remedial coaching. Once she feels more comfortable with the work, she’ll feel smarter and more confident. The problem will tone down as she starts to look forward to participating in class and is no longer nervous in front of her peers.
The over-active
The third group, the very active who never sit still in class present a challenge for even the most-seasoned teachers. It is difficult to remain diplomatic when a child keeps leaving her seat, wriggling around, dropping pencils, or talking to her neighbour. Disciplining such children often makes them feel singled out and picked on by the teacher, leading to anxiety about attending school the next day.
There are three ways of keeping the unfocused child on task: use a reward system for class work, provide academic remediation for knowledge gaps in weak areas, and consider medication for children who are diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder.
These techniques generally help children to focus on their work rather than on the contents of their neighbour’s pencil box. They also help them remain seated. It is amazing what a reward system will accomplish if the consequences for completing class work, remaining seated and not making noises during class are important and consistently delivered!
Once your child realises self-control and success via one or more of these methods, she’ll feel on top of the work in the classroom and will be less worried about being “picked on” by the teachers or other pupils.