Dear Uncle Ted,
I’m stressed. I’m a mother of one and I live in the village in Kisii. My husband wants to marry a second wife from the hills because he is tired of seeing my mother’s union ngothas.
He also says I’m lousy in bed and that I should get lessons from my aunts. I have been married to this man for 15 years and I was there when all we had was boiled mrenda and ugali baridi.
Now that he’s got a little promotion, he is showing me all these madharau. What do I do uncle? I feel like my life is over.
Mama Boyi.
Dear Mama Boyi,
Men have a short memory span and would only remember Wanjiru’s red thong from last night.
We’re conditioned to forget shida za dunia and that’s why he has adored your grandma pants for 18 years, until he discovered the next beautiful thing and now he wants to get you a helper.
Don’t cry my dear, this woman is your dream-come-true. Ask your husband to bring the guest home, but request him to leave you two alone for some bonding.
That first night, strip naked and wake up your co-wife; tell her that as a routine in your house, you run around the village until 3am to protect your wealth and your man.
That poor woman will leave so fast, delete, block your husband’s number and join mother’s guild in church!