My birthday is coming up. As I was brainstorming about what I want to do for my birthday, I couldn’t help but think that one of the perks of being single is that I don’t have to worry about my boyfriend forgetting my big day and hence ruining the day for me.
I won’t spend the days leading up to my birthday obsessing over whether my boyfriend will remember and plan something special or if he needs to be prompted. One year, my boyfriend forgot my birthday and I was devastated. I am one of those girls who get quite enthusiastic about birthdays and insist on grandiose birthday demands.
I start dropping hints about the party and gifts I want months in advance, so you can imagine how shattered I was when my so-called boyfriend let my 21st birthday go by uncelebrated.
I thought I would wake up to a long, heartfelt happy birthday text from him. I fantasised about a romantic candlelit dinner with roses and champagne that night. I imagined him presenting me with an elaborate gift. I felt a slight pang of pain in my heart when I didn’t find a text or get a call from him that morning, but I consoled myself thinking it would surely come. I mean, it was my freakin’ birthday!
You only get those once a year, so of course he knew how important it was to me. My heart sank as hours rolled by and I still had not heard from him. The boatload of birthday wishes I received from friends and family did nothing to lift my spirits. By evening, I was balling my eyes out.
I concluded that he had forgotten about me and did not give two hoots about me; otherwise he would have remembered (to be fair though, it was a fairly new relationship).
To a woman, there is nothing worse than the man she loves forgetting her birthday. It is in our nature to attach an insane level of sentimentality to dates and occasions. According to psychotherapists, people who place too much importance on birthdays have repressed childhood issues.
They either missed out on feeling special as children, or were over-indulged and feel entitled to have it their way as adults (well, thank you mum and dad!). They always want to feel like they are top priority, especially on their birthdays. In their subconscious, there is a virtual child who desperately needs to feel special.
So, what do you do when bae forgets your birthday? First of all, it is important to understand that it is not deliberate. Bae loves you and cares about you. It is just that a vast majority of the menfolk are not good with dates. Most of them don’t even remember their own birthdays and those who do don’t really place a lot of significance to celebrating birthdays.
Learn to minimise your disappointment by understanding that you are not a child. You are a grown woman and your birthday is not a priority.
Having said that, I am not saying you should let him walk away scot-free. You need to punish him by sulking and withdrawing affection until he apologises profusely and makes it up to you with something big like a weekend getaway. Just FYI, an ‘Oops! Happy belated birthday’ text is not an apology.
All in all, disappointment is not a fatal issue and him forgetting your birthday should not spell doom for your relationship, unless you have noticed that he has been cold and distant and forgetting your birthday is just one of the many instances where he has failed to be there for you.
@roxannekenya