When I asked her what she meant, she started laughing at me. She said I was a baby and wouldn’t understand until I was older. What did she mean by that mum?”
Many mothers are confused at this stage of parenting. During the preteen years, many new situations will arise, and previously unimportant issues will now need to be addressed.
They relate to physical changes and emotional and social development. Mothers need to be prepared.
During this phase, remember how important you are in your child’s world. While peer and other outside influences are becoming more of a factor, there is still no greater influence in a child’s life than that of her family.
It’s by their parents’ compass that they find the direction in which to start out in life. How well, or how poorly a child adjusts to adolescence is often the result of how well his or her parents adjusted to the many transitions in the middle years.
During this stage, daughters look to their mothers to model their future role of womanhood. Fathers, in turn, provide a sound platform upon which girls can test their femininity. For instance, your daughter may love to go shopping with you, but it is dad she runs to, to show her new outfit. She does this for a reason greater than just showing off her purchase. She is measuring his response as a type of masculine gauge. “What does Dad think?” often translates into “What will boys think about me in this dress?”
Confusion
A preadolescent girl’s growth and development can become a source of anxiety and confusion and especially the onset of the monthly menstruation. Menstruation is a spontaneous event that comes without advance warning from the body. However, educating your daughter can greatly reduce her apprehension and anxiety. How do you do it?
Realise you have competition: Our children live in a world of sexual deviancy. Prime time television exploits sex and newspaper advertising profit by it. This is the moral environment you must compete with. Prepare her for a life of uncompromising holiness and sexual purity.
Realise that the content of your sexual message is already established: Everyday, in different ways, we communicate sexual messages and values to our children. The way a husband and wife respond to each other at the close of the workday will carry a subtle message of sexuality. Parental purity communicates family attitudes that ultimately provide your child with a frame of reference.
Realise there is a timing issue related to your talk: Teaching your daughter about sex is progressive and not a one-time chat. Dialogue can begin around the age of nine. Regulate your conversation and determine how extensively you will answer questions, based on your daughter’s age, moral and sexual awareness, and her ability to process all that she is hearing. Speak to your daughter with sensitivity and always seek to preserve her dignity.
Realise the importance of follow-up: There will always be teaching opportunities, before and after menstruation starts. Television commercials serve as good starting points. If you see an advertisement for a feminine hygiene product, use that opportunity to discuss the merits of that particular product in hopes of triggering further discussion about her menstruation.