By Nancy Njagi-Mbithi
We have heard stories of alcoholic spouses who announce their arrival at the homestead while still several kilometres away.
On their arrival, even the rats know they have to hide because the havoc that may follow is untold.
The children, too, know they either have to perfect their art of sleeping or seek refugee elsewhere.
When the drunken spouse gets to the home, all the food that has been cooked is thrown away as a way of stirring up a fight. Just in case the food is not ready then drama unfolds and physical abuse follows.
The children are not exempt from all this. If the alcoholic spouse is the man, then the children will probably hear their father shouting all kinds of insults at them and their mother or worse, witness their mother being beaten.
If the alcoholic spouse is the woman, life becomes disastrous as the care and nurture the family should receive from a mother will be lacking. The woman may also engage in irresponsible social behaviour that will bring shame to the entire family.
Lost income
In other situations, the spouse may use all of the family’s income on alcohol, leaving the children out of school or home and without the essential basic needs. The alcoholic spouse may have unhealthy social relations and may even lose their source of income due to drinking.
A person is an alcoholic when they cannot do without alcohol. Many spouses, and especially mothers, work so hard to protect their children from witnessing the drama and emotional trauma brought about by alcoholic spouses.
Children have been sent to live with their grandparents or asked to sleep early so that they do not come face to face with their drunken parent.
Neighbours and the local administration have also been involved in settling domestic disputes. However, these are just short-term solutions towards protecting the children.
The only permanent way of protecting the little angels is to find out why the spouse is abusing alcohol and then address the root causes through counselling, accompanied by a detoxification process.
There are two hypotheses as to why people take alcohol.
New lifestyle
Human beings have a desire to change how they feel about themselves and this could mean them changing the environment around them. This desire could be brought about by the fact that they find the status quo stressful and, therefore, feel unhappy or bored by life. Research has shown that the younger the person, the greater the tendency to seek new experiences or instant relief from distress.
Another hypothesis is one of modelling. Most of us acquire behaviour patterns through copying people we respect or with whom we want to be associated with. Parents and peers serve as mentors and models of future behaviour.
Misuse of alcohol among other drugs is most common amongst children of alcohol abusers. Thus the reason we need to protect children from an alcoholic spouse — this parent becomes the children’s model in life.
The best way, therefore, of protecting children is by helping this spouse come out of their problem through psychiatric treatment and counselling.
Alcoholism has destroyed many marriages and deterred the future of many children. If we do not protect our children, we will lose them to this vice.